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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Friday, July 24, 2009

| post 445~ |

we've got the best of the best this year.

obviously, i'm talking about rag, the one thing that fills my days and invades my dreams when i sleep. for it, i haven't been out of hall for 2weeks already because the days are passed with cleaning steps and going through run after run. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining - in fact, this is the time of the hall year that i love the most. politics aside, it's a time where we get to do so much more than everything put together during the academic year. almost 24/7, i'm with these people whom after rag, may no longer be as close to me. but, it doesn't matter because it's the now that counts.

our chairperson said it right, we've got the best everything this year, i'm very sure of it because the scale of things and the storyline, the people that we have are exceptionally good. there's no doubt about it. i've personally seen everything that the people downstairs are doing and there's no doubt that they're hard work is slowly bearing fruit as the props and stuff like that are slowly forming up. (sorry, i cannot divulge anymore because it's TOP SECRET. if you want to know, come down to the SRC @ NUS on the 8th of august and be blown away.) and really, the things that they do is MIND-BLOWING. just the design alone and i was like "seriously, this is what we are going to being to rag day?" it seemed like mission impossible just looking at the design on paper. the complexity of things, WOW. it just really blew me away to goodness knows where. but it was really really (insert word that quelyn cannot think of because words don't do justice anymore.)

99 people in the team, 1 goal.

and i truly hope that in all those 99people, everyone is putting in their greatest. i don't think i want to bitch here because it's not very nice. but well, we are only as fast as our slowest person and i see one person who is slowing us down so much that i just want to punch the living daylights out of her and scream "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING OUT AT STAKE HERE? YOU NOT DOING WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WILL F- JEOPARDIZE EVERYTHING THAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WORKING FOR." but, the dance i/cs are not saying anything yet, so i guess that i have no place to say anything. i know that it's not just me that is unhappy with her, but we can't say anything because upper management is not saying anything. sighs. someone, please say something before my fuse burns out and i really lash out at her. that day will come soon.

2weeks to rag day, and i'm taking every minute seriously. fine, i may still be having fun and htht/gossiping around. but during full runs, i make sure that i really give it my all. f- this is the only place that i can really scream in and what i'm feeling right now is really edging on pushing through and giving up. more on the pushing through though. every single run we make, every step that i take, i just want to scream out in pain because my right ankle is not holding out at all anymore. but seeing everyone working so hard, i don't want to sit out. i don't want to miss any chance to continue practicing for what we're aiming for. i will have a lot of time to rest after rag. and now is not the time to say anything.

what can i say, i love my acting skills.

uhh. ok, maybe not. this morning some people pissed me off before i went for dance practice by screwing some important things up and i settled it a bit with them before going for practice and i was 10mins late. ohshit. i feel bitch monster coming up. fine. i'll bitch. i mean, i was 10mins late and you scolded me. HELLO, THERE WAS ANOTHER SNR WHO WAS LIKE 45MINS LATE, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING? just because you and her are more "gum" doesn't mean that you should give her slack. seriously. 45mins. because she woke up late. i had a valid reason, she didn't. FINE. i mean, you never liked me anyway. and i don't want you to like me either cause it makes things more interesting this way. JUST BE F- FAIR. a leader who is biased towards her friends is a leader who has failed, totally failed.

anyway, after those two episodes, i was really pissed and while we were cleaning our dance, they said i looked like i was going to kill the floor. #1, i didn't look at anyone because my eyes would have murdered someone and we'd be one dancer short. #2, i wasn't smiling because if you went through the same shit as me, you wouldn't have smiled either. OK. BITCH FEST OVER. :)

anyways, coming to other things, there's so many emotions that i have to keep in check nowadays. feels really tiring because there's no place where i can really let every single thing out. miss independent has to do everything herself if you haven't realized. family, to me is just a word for now because there is not a single person in there that i can really totally count on. i want my own real family who is not dysfunctional. i want a perfectly normal family. is that too much to ask for? i think right now in my life, the most reliable people i can count on are well, maybe my friends. but, i'll never know until they go through shit with me and then i'll see if they really are my friends.

argh. life is like a really weird thing. i can be happy at everything, like really happy and high. but then when you come back down from that highness, you have to solve all the things that reality throws at you. nor really complaining about it because it's supposed to be that way. that's what makes life interesting. :)randomly, been listening to some new genres of music and am starting to like it quite a lot. appreciating it is definitely becoming something that i'm looking forward to because the music's quite good.

i know i'm slow dancing in a burning room
cause i see the walls falling apart already
but i don't want to run away from where i am
i'm going to face my fate head on from now.