first paper! KI.
a killer? not really.
i think i did quite well
and i'm believing for that Agrade.
tomorrow is KI paper 2.
i can't wait for everything to be over.

and moreover, i've been accepted!
hahas. by australian universities of course.
and i'm spoilt for choice.
Australian National University
University of New South Wales
University of Queensland
University of Melbourne
hahas. basically, almost all the Unis i applied to
at first i was really scared that i wouldn't be able to make it
because of my horrendous prelim grades
but what a SURPRISE!

i haven't replied any of the offer letters yet
all of them are provisional offers that allow me to enter in Feb
i wish the Alevels weren't so irritating.
i really want to go overseas but there are too many choices
but then again, i want to stay in singapore because its convenient
furthermore, i still want to chase my dreams
argh. why is life full of choices?
God, can't you make the decisions for me?

haiz. well, i'll get through the As first.
see ya!

我的眼睛并不向往另一片天空
禁止进入爱情是我说的
谁也听不见 这种孤单真可怜
多爱一天 就多些寂寞
eyes have not looked elsewhere
the heart doesn't want to be touched
closed from any possibility of love
the mind doesn't want to be tied down
this kind of lonliness it the most pitiable
but it doesn't matter because i am free

你为什么还是不懂我要得自由
一句话就让你离我远了
别让我以为 快乐最后会粉碎
人孤单的时候绝不会掉眼泪
the desires of freedom is unexplainable
how does the mouth repeat what the heart desires
what is incomprehensible cannot be said
but don't give me the impression that
happiness is just a passing phase that will shatter
because without happiness
nothingness will start to exist

tomorrow is my very first paper
it somehow makes me nervous
yet i feel relieved as well.
it has come. it has started.
and i can't wait for it to end

after my Alevels, there's Christmas
there's Taiwan. there's the Philippines.
there's Mynmar. there's China.
so many things that i want to do
and i have a feeling 9months ain't enough

as i was studying today, i was thinking
about the path i want to take
the dreams that i want to achieve
i realize that it's a road that is going to be lonely
a journey that is going to be very tough
but one that i will feel the most fulfilled in

lonely because i will have less time for friends
family. my cell group. my j'crowd. my 29thSC.
i may have to leave them all behind in singapore
and once i reach my dreams, i will have no privacy
lonely, yet not alone.
at that time, i'll only have God with me
i will have my friends and family with me in spirit
but all of them will be leading their own lives
gathering together at events that i won't be able to join them

tough because the fight starts now
the dreams start now.
the training starts now.
i have that dream.
but i have to work to it.
there are alot of sacrifices involved
there is alot of hardwork involved
there is alot that i will have to give up
there will be objection from many people
and in the end, not many will support me initially
especially my parents

but no matter what, i shall encourage myself
quelyn, you can do it! you can fight it~
without determination, there is no success
without hardwork, there is no result

first battlefield: tomorrow's examination hall (& for the rest of the month)
next battlefield: my physical health
ultimate battlefield: the road and journey to my dream!

GO! GO! GO!

it's one week to my very first paper in the 'A' levels
and i feel extremely inadequately prepared
it's been very hard to study
somehow, i just cannot find the heart to do so
and everyday, the little bit that i study
cannot be compared to what everyone else is doing
i feel a little panicky.
not because of the 'A's
but because i'm not studying

in this period of time
i haven't been a good christian either
somehow, i feel very disappointed in myself
when it comes to so many things
i see how inadequate i am
all that pampering and arrogance has come to naught
how i wish that i could do something now....

not studying
not being a good christian
then what am i good at?

眼看我的'A'水准就在眼前儿
但我还是在这儿发呆，发愣
实在的，我是真得不想在读书
但是，因为我出生在新加坡
这里的culture就是这么一回儿事
不读书，或成绩不好，孩子就不争气

我觉得自己不是读书的那块料
但是因为不想让父母失望
所以就拼命拼命的读
其实，自己最想做的是个歌手
但父母觉得那样的工作不能让我添饱肚子
虽不能添饱肚子，但至少我会活得快了一点儿

剩下不到十天的时间
我还是赶紧读书吧
什么白日梦，明星梦
都别做了吧

不想也得想
不做业的做

SURPRISE!
hahas. that's the only word i can use to describe today
i'm so lucky i went to school today because i was thinking of skipping
but i went to school for just one boring lesson
and guess what?
i got a certificate
hah.

the very first certificate i get in NY
is received one day before my graduation
and it was such a surprise because
i wasn't even informed before hand.
ahh. i miss my secondary school days
every year, i'll get a certificate during Speech Day
Top in Level for English
Top in Level for English Literature
Top in Level for Geography
but since i stepped into NY
this is the first.
hahas.
this is the best feeling

but really, it's really the grace of God.
no way i could have done it on my own
He's really watching over me

well, tomorrow's another day
another long and boring day
so i'll sign off here
see you'll around soon!

i've been wanting to blogg about a lot of things
but recently, there's been so much going on
and i haven't been studying much at all
my prelim grades, they're really a fluke
or, as i'd like to say, it was really the grace of God
in none of my own accord could i have gotten those marks

the past few days have been passed sleepily
it's only another 22days to my Alevels
and i'm still stuck in the rut of my drama serials
i tell myself that i'll have a lot of time after the 'A's
but somehow, my brain doesn't register this information
instead, all i'm dreaming about is of romance and an ambition

recently, one of the better things that i've been busying myself with
is something called a Last Lecture, Randy Pausch's to be exact
it made quite a stir in Yahoo! News a few days ago
and i spent an hour and a half watching a lecture
Prof. Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer
and yet, he's living a fuller life than i ever have
because he has achieved his dreams
and is helping others achieve theirs

quelyn wants to fulfill her dream and help others fulfill theirs to
maybe it's too presumptuous of me to say this
but i feel that i can be the next Sun Ho of Asia
i've been blessed with nothing
except a great voice and a brain that thinks fast
my life has been controlled by my parents for long enough
and i'm going to break through the brick walls that are in front of me
Prof. Pausch said that brick walls are there to keep people out,
the people who do not want something badly enough.

i have the talent
i have the dream
so, what's stopping me?

actually, practically everybody
because they think that the
entertainment world is very
unstable and complicated.
i don't disagree with them
but i know that i have what
it takes to handle those people
i didn't get a brain like mine for
no reason, because everything God
does is for a reason.

and because i'm going to break down that brick wall in front
i'll have to start from the small steps
i've been giving up on myself for far too long
it's time to shape up and say sorry to myself for letting myself go
i'm giving myself a few months to be entertainment world-ready
hah.

but more than that, i'm still going for my Alevel certificate
i didn't waste 12years of my life for nothing
the singapore school system is one that relentlessly kills
but i have made it thus far
making me the creme de la creme of the 1989babies
and i will continue to be because
my Father in Heaven is the Alpha and the Omega
making me the head and not the tail!
hah.

i guess i've ranted enough
love all of you who are reading
hope you'll are doing the best
and all the best wishes for whatever you're doing.

真正的爱情就像鬼魂一样，动也动不得，摸也摸不到

translated, it says that true love is like a ghostly soul
one which cannot be touched nor felt.
really, true love always comes when you least expect it
and you never know whether what you're feeling is truly what you're waiting for.
love is a very subjective matter from the start
and any argument based on the premise of love therefore becomes subjective.
one can never be sure about anything in love
that's why girls rather give it their all, so that they won't have any regrets
while boys rather take it lightly, so that they won't get too hurt

有的时候，最暧昧的真爱，反而是最浪漫的

translated, it says that sometimes the most ambiguous of feelings
are actually the most romantic.
and i guess i believe this to a fault
have you ever been in a very ambiguous relationship
one where you and he are more than friends
but yet, you'll are neither lovers or a couple?
it's actually that feeling that is the best
and that's why, unless the guy takes the first step
i never will, because i enjoy the ambiguity of the whole relationship.
when the guy breaks this ambiguity
it really changes the whole relationship
because you cannot talk as freely
you cannot behave as freely
you cannot do many things that you could before
your time is not yours anymore
your feelings have to be very sensitive to another
and it's somehow more restrictive
haixx.
and the guys get less romantic.

well, i guess there's always a price to pay for any changes that come along.
it's something that we humans have to live with because
it's part of our life and it's what constitutes our survival

been a few days since i last blogged here
and although nothing much's been going on
nothing much has been going off either.
hah. today we were talking about some themes in literature
and one of them was progession.
and that can be juxtaposed by regression.
and can also be contraster with inertia.

Mankind always wants to progress
but with every step of progession that they take
they regress in another area of their culture or society
although regression is a price to pay for progression,
there are many people who stay in inertia
it is the state of not moving forward nor backwards
and that is one of the most painful things Man can ever face

and currently, i'm in that state of inertia
or at least i think so
recently, i haven't been able to study.
all i want to do is sit down and watch my drama serials
all i want is to be lazy and wake up late
but this is the wrong time to be doing all these
my Alevels is in less than 25days
and i know that i'm barely prepared
the BCEE grades that i got for prelims may be "good"
but they won't get me into NUS
and considering that i'm supposed to be an AAAA student
i'm not even staring at a single A yet!

for now, i guess i have to do something
like stop being lazy
and stop being a procrastinator
but that's going to be slightly hard because
i just started re-watching 花样少年少女
and i can't just stop in the middle
6 out of 15 CDs watched.
i guess i'll just finish it...