Sunday, September 30, 2007
You are my freedom
Jesus You're the reason
i'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would i be without You
here in my life
here in my life
today as we were worshipping, we sang this song
and the words of the chorus struck me
very, very hard.
and i looked back on my life that i was living
slightly more than a year ago
i had just went through a major break-up
i was struggling to concentrate on my council work
plus, i was desperately trying to pull my grades up to get through my promos
sounds like nothing?
well, to me it was the worst time of my life.
i had failed in all the three most important areas of my life
my love life, my leadership responsibilities and my studies
not to mention that my family has always been in a mess
but it was at the worst time of my life that i pulled through
i seeked solace in a brother that i knew, loved and trusted
and he brought me back to Church.
within a year, my life changed drastically.
before i had met my then-bf
i was a leader in my old church youth ministry
serving for coming to 6 years
i was one of their youngest leaders
but then, a very charming man came into my life
i was swept off my feet and concequently backslided
life was ok with whatever was going on
i was succeeding in my council life, my studies weren't too bad
and of course, i had someone who loved me
but i didn't have God.
and that whole equation was one that was bound to failure.
overnight, literally, my relationship went into
one of the worst stalemates i had ever seen
trying to revive that relationship was one of
the dumbest things that i had ever done
because i was too emotional and had no capacity
to handle the whole situation, and i made it worst
consequently, my studies failed and council was a burden
but when i found God again,
He became my freedom.
i wasn't tied down by stupid things.
i was able to live with a regained strength
and He is the reason why
today, i am growing as a Christian again
kneeling at His throne of grace and mercy
truly, looking back
if i went through the same events
once more, without God
i don't even want to think about
what i would be like presently
and what would life turn out to be
Friday, September 28, 2007
i feel that i need serious help
i'm starting to get very unsettled again
there are a lot of emotions running through
i feel the start of the same rollercoaster ride
but this time, i'm wanting to jump off
jumping off to keep my sanity
and my dignitiy
and my emotions
intact.
so many things have happened recently
and it's not fair that they are happening
so close to my exams, another 30days.
but i'm so unsettled that i'm losing it
my prelims were a success and a disaster
i improved in my stronger subjects
but i failed my KI for the first time in ages
(ok, so i wasn't getting great grades before, but at least i was passing)my teacher commented that i lack logical reasoning
and why do i have a nagging feeling that
i know what's the cause of all this?
it's his smile.
i see him once a week, if i'm lucky then twice
but i just can't get his smile out of my mind
so mesmerizing, so sexy, yet so humble
it's taking me off my feet and getting me in the clouds
but this is not the right way.
this is not what's suppose to be happening.
plus the fact that i don't have any physical person
to run towards anymore.
only God listens to me now
and His answers are sometimes so soft
compared to the noises of this world
and sometimes i feel that i cannot hear Him
i used to run to someone for a listening ear
but now, he's together with his other half
i have been somewhat forgotten
it's normal, but i realize that i've been relying on him too much
well. that doesn't matter anymore.
i just want my peaceful, settled life back
school's more than torture
home's as noisy as before
only in church, or in God's presence
can i find a sense of peace and quiet
i see a generation
rising up to take their place
with selfless faith
with selfless faith
(i want to be she
who has selfless faith
to rise to to fulfill
the call of my life.)
一幢巧妙的事件，让你我在此相遇
从远方看你一撇一笑
就足以让我的心声加速
你的微笑
那么亲切但也是那么地陌生
百闻不如一见
就是如此
但在你生命中
我是那么的微不足道
你不曾知道我是谁
我也不曾知道你的姓名
那么巧妙的遇见
只能让我们陶醉在彼此的笑容
但不曾让我们相识
命运就是如此的残酷
让我们两
徘徊在原地
望着远方的面孔
深深地陶醉在无法拥有的痛苦中
你体会到的
我也如此
但生命是那么的短暂
让我们在迷雾里寻找另外一段的幸福
忘记我吧
我也会忘了你
it's been 3 days since i last posted
and... i haven't been studying much
this is such a bad time to get into a craze
lols. i'm crazy over the alec/vicki pair
what a time, what a timebut, i'm deciding that i'm not going
to touch the television anymore!
at least until the Alevels are over.
but even as i try to study
i keep thinking of what i'm going
to do after my Alevels.
i'll have so much time that i don't know what to do
i'm thinking of working
but i'm also thinking of even more crazy ideas
like, renting an apartment in taiwan for a month
or going to europe for a backpacking trip
or going to thailand to live with the hilltribes for a month.
so many crazy ideas
so little time..
but for now, i HAVE to study. =DGod of my forever
and forever i'm with you
my life is saved at a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i pray that tomorrow i'll still be able to post
haixx.
the time has come
almost too soon.
but it's time to move on
and start studying.
4days of taiwanese/korean drama
and now, it's 34more days to my first paper
everyone, keep me in your prayers
我們相遇相知
細細珍藏
我們結伴同行
用生命寫下詩章
Monday, September 24, 2007
it's been a fairly short day today
didn't do anything much
i just watched 还珠格格's 2nd installment
and i think i'm going to continue tomorrow.
today's highlight was COUNCIL DINNER!
actually it was supposed to be a trip to sentosa
but...
the maths department HAD to have
a post-prelim maths paper for the H2 maths students.
(poor them... )
but anyway, thanks to
lester
veronica
xuewei
mervis
benben
renkai
sebastian
germaine ng
angie
kenhan
shaojie
bingliang
katrina
who spent dinner and desert with me today!
i really really miss council because it was LIFE.
council is yesterday, today and forever.
i haven't seen much of them around because most of them are science students
but then again, i don't do night study with them either.
hahas. all i want to say is...
29th, i love you forever!
爱到心破碎也别去怪谁
只因为相遇太美
就算流乾泪
伤到底 心成灰
也无所谓
我破茧成蝶 愿和你双飞
最怕你会一去不回
虽然爱过我 给过我
想过我 就是安慰
我向你飞 雨温柔的坠
像你的拥抱将我包围
我向你飞 多远都不累
虽然旅途中有过痛和泪
我向你追 风温柔的吹
只要你无怨我也无悔
爱是那么美 我心陶醉
被爱的感觉
Saturday, September 22, 2007
i feel that it's better to be an arts student
science students have more exams
because their questions are repetitive
and their answers are easy to mark
unlike arts essay which are long
and harder to mark because
there are many things which are subjective
also, arts students are more creative
because their questions never really repeat
that's why there's a...
Chemistry TYS
Biology TYS
Physics TYS
Mathematics TYS
but there's no...
Literature TYS
History TYS
Geography TYS
so i guess even though
i have to keep writing essays
i think it's good
cause it's
exciting to be an arts student.
Friday, September 21, 2007
男: 我是个没有明天的人!女: 你不会没有明天， 因为你的明天还有我!is there something wrong with me?
the past few days, i think i've been very lucky
i've been hearing a lot of sweet little romantic things
not said to me, of course.
but even as i hear them
i really wonder if these kind of words really exist on this earth
if i were in the same situation, would i say the same things?
if i were in the same situation, would the guy say those words to me?
honestly, my world is full of romance
so impractical, but so fantastical
so unreal, yet so realistic
maybe it's all the dramas that i've been watching
but one day, i want to write such a script
i want to publish such a novella
i want to act such a character
but these lives that i've chosen to live
it's not one that my parents will approve of
they've always wanted me to be
a lawyera doctora government officiala civil servantanything that's stable and pays well
but that's not the life that i want
i don't want to be
desk-boundi don't want to
waste my lifei don't want
safetyi want to take
risksi want to be daring
i want to have
adventuresi want to
experience new things
and i realize that all that i want
cannot be achieved in singapore
singapore is too safe
singapore has no room for
mistakessingapore has no room for
creativitysingapore has no room for
freedom我要出去闯出我自己的天空i realize that i have an affinity with languages
even though i hated and was failing Chinese in primary school
i passed it with an A grade in both my Olvls & Alvls
i couldn't speak it before, but now, it's getting better
and the best thing is that i love writing Chinese.
there's something mystical about the language
and i'm very happy to be able to write, read & speak it.
now, i'm on another mission
KOREAN.
one day, i want to be able to stand on a stage in korea
and i want to stand in front of an audience
screaming my name, wanting more of me
and i want to be able to sing to them in fluent korean
dear God, i wish that one dayi will be an artistewho tours the worldand loves You
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
that's right.
i'm starting to tire out
burning and crashing
but it's my fault cause i didn't sleep.
euphoria causes your adreneline to get pumping
and you think about the words that you wrote
for your essayand you think, did i really do that?
i really need a break
because unlike the science students
who enviously have MCQ papers
i write essay
after essay after essay...
it's a wonder that i'm still alive
and my hand/arm muscles haven't died
but i swear, after the prelims
i'm going to go crazy on my taiwanese/korean dramas
i miss them!!
cute guys of all sorts, hot bods
and of course, romance.
mr seah, my KI teacher always tells me
"quelyn, i think you're going to be a lawyer"
and i tell him,
"but i'm not the type who'll really study"
(and mummy, that's why i should go overseas to study...)and he replies
"yah, but you still look like one to me..."
yey!
but i think i'll probably be somewhere in entertainment
producer? scriptwriter? PR? HR? CEO? hahas.
ACTRESS~
dreams...
i want to travel the world
and meet lots of new people!
but first i have to get JC done with...
would you come around the world with me?maybe one day, this place will turn into a travel journal.Tuesday, September 18, 2007
从来不相信
我的世界可以有多完美
痛苦 寂寞 还有一些疲惫
不允许他人随意进入 我的零度空间
宁愿孤独 懒得再去想谁
两个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱 过去 然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会抓住我的无力双臂
怎么会哭 (谁错谁对 为谁抱歉)
不会再哭 (谁错谁对 为谁憔悴)
走入零度空间
等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险
我们一起面对
来不及的防备
没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会
多了爱的明天
走出零度空间
终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累
我却不会后悔
放下所有防备
一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界
开始新的明天
新的明天~
新的世界~
finally
after 6 months
researching
writing
editing
60 references
countless readings
I HAVE EMERGED VICTORIOUS!2995 words that are proudly bound by the title"Hip-Hop in the Bedroom"man, i can't wait for university..but for now, i'll just relax.=DMonday, September 17, 2007
today i probably made one of the wisest
yet, one of the hardest and saddest decisions
meeting the right guy for me was a real thrilland it was something i looked forward tobecause i'd be able to love and care for someoneand know that the same person feels the same way about mebut as i was working through the night yesterday
i realized that it was not the first time that
i turned my phone off
i wasn't on MSN
i wasn't anywhere near civilization
because i was unreachable
for a full 24 hours.
and that, wouldn't be the last time either
given my more playful nature
i'd always be doing that
especially since i'll be going to university soon
and my essay load will increase
and i decided that it's not the time
to commit to someone else
committment is about being there for him
committment is about caring for him
committment is about loving him
committment is about solving problems together
but when i'm going to be unreachablefor at least 4 days a weekthat's not committmentand right now my committment listhas God firstthen studies secondthen friends thirdand family fourthhe'll never be in top 3and that's not committmentbut then i also learned something
not being by his side doesn't mean
i can't be his friend
not being by his side doesn't mean
that i don't care
not being by his side doesn't mean
that i have to go away
friend, maybe we'll give it a few more yearsmaybe by then you'll find someone better than meand maybe i'll find someone who's better than youlet's just wait and see what God says ok.Sunday, September 16, 2007
At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.
"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do
Where is the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was still by the query. And the father continued.
"I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes in the world
An opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself
And it comes in the way other people treat that child.
Then, he told the following story...
Shay and his father had walked past a park and,
here were some boys whom Shay knew who were playing baseball
Shay asked "Do you think they'll let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most of the boys
would not want someone like Shay on their team
But the father also understood that
if his son was allowed to play,
it would give him a much needed sense of belonging,
and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field
and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play.
The boy looked around for guidance and said,
"We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning
I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in
To bat in the ninth inning"
Shay struggled over to the team's bench
and with a broad smile, put on the team shirt.
His father watched with a small tear in his eye
and warmth in his heart.
The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted.
In the bottom eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs
but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove
and played in the right field
Even though no hits came his way,
he was obviously estatic just to be in the game
and on the field, grinning from ear to ear
as his father waved to him from the stands
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded
the potential winning run was on base
and Shay was scheduled to be the next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance of winning the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.
Everyone knew a hit was impossible because
Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly,
much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate,
the pitcher recongized that the other team
was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life
and thus, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly
so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward
and tossed the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball
and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have
easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would be the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first base man's head,
out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling
"Shay, run to first! Run to first!"
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far,
but he made it to first base
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled
Everyone yelled,"Run to second! Run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second,
gleaming and struggling to make it to second base.
By the time Shay rounded towards second base,
the right fielder had the ball.
The right fielder saw that the smallest guy on their team
now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the sceond baseman for the tag,
but he undertood the pitcher's intentions and threw the ball
high and far over the third baseman's head.
Shay ran towards third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him
circled the bases towards home.
All were screaming,
"Shay Shay Shay! All the way Shay!"
Shay reached third base as the opposing shortstop ran to
help him by turning him in the direction of third base
and shouted "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams
and the spectators were on their feet screaming
"Shay, run home! Run home!"
Shay ran to home, and was cheered as the hero
who hit the grand slam and won the game for the team
"That day," said the father with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world. "Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrce her little hero of the day!"
***
i believe that everyone can make a difference
every single day, we have thousands of opportunities
to make a difference in another person's life
the trival interactions between each other seem small
but they present us with a choice to either
pass a little spark of love and humanity
OR
pass up the chance to do so
leaving the world a little colder
so what would you do today?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
i just watched two movies
when i'm supposed to be doing my
thesis essay!
but i really really couldn't resist it
especially when i walked pass that video shop
"She's the Man""The Sinking of Japan"yeah. these movies are quite old
but i never really caught many movies
theatres quite expensive nowadays
plus i'm busy "studying"
but i think it was worthwhile
especially "The Sinking of Japan"
as a geography student, i could appreciate it
my brother who was watching with me fell asleep!although the geographical facts were quite screwed
but then again which movie actually has their facts right?Category 7: Day of Destruction?The Day After Tomorrow?
10.5?nil. nada. zilch.if their facts were rightthen there'd be no show.as a normal female movie goer
i really liked the way the guy sacrificed himself
because he wanted to help the girl he loves to fulfill her dreams
swoonsoh, and of course, his country.
romantic and patriotic
just like someone i know. right, Guard? lols.but more than that, i really liked the effects
magma. volcanic ash. the details were all there.
but half way through the show
i was wondering if the movie was about geography
or about Japan's military technology.
hahas. i think i'm reading too much into it...well, once again i saw what true love means
it's not about the physical things like flowers
it's not totally about the outings (though it helps)
it's more of the thought and the emotions
as long as i know he loves me
i guess that's more than enough
do i need to ask for more?
i don't think so.
if he really loves me
he'll be automatic enough.
again, i'm going to rave about KI.
another 2200 words to go!and it's
due on tuesday.
i need to
see my tutor on mondayfor a final consultation
so that i can do last-minute touch ups.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
hahas. my 20th post
aka the one before this post
was a freak emo session
goodness. must be the stress
well, i admit that it's not been easy
especially when the 'A' levels are coming
and i just told someone i like
and who likes me back
the cruel-est single word i could have said
NO.and i didn't even bother to explain myselfargh. i didn't really mean itbut you-know-who-you-areit's for our own goodi can't study and go through a relationshipi can multi-task thingsbut not feelingsand you've got so many thingsthat are in front of you.go fulfill your bright futureand if we're really meant to bei'll be in that futureif not, we can still be friends.honestly, these days have been unsettling
must find balancemust find balancemust find balanceagain.if not my world will be filled with jungle again
i just got out not long ago
and i don't want to go back in again
the emo jungle is no fun at all
what with rollercoaster rides of feelings
nah. rollercoasters belong in theme parks.
nope. not in me. rarh.
well, today was physical geog paper
i know i can passi know i can passi know i can passyes, i will pass!and i realize that i'm psychoing myself
alot.because i didn't really study
yes, procrastination got the best of me
but well, there's still human geog to save me!
and of course, everything will go well
cause Daddy God's got my back!
alrights! time to fight on!
KI IS is due 18TH SEPT!
God Bless Me.
keep me in your prayers
2500 words more to go...Wednesday, September 12, 2007
i wonder if i really practise what i preach
do i really feel the way
that i tell you i do
or is it just a means of escape
from a past i'm dying to leave behind
has time really washed everything away
can i really forget
what happened last summer?
i can still recall our last summer
i still see it all
walks along the Seine River
laughing in the rain
our last summer
memories that remain
i can still recall our last summer
i still see it all
in the tourist human jam
round the Notre Dame movie theatres
our last summer
walking hand in hand
i'm walking past another summer
alone, but happy
yet your face appears once again
maybe i need even more time
to totally forget the memory of you
but what if the heart
doesn't want to forget
then i'll just have to force it to forget...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
life is short, very short.
and the word short in itself is an understatement.
if you're alive today, you could be gone tomorrow
so why worry about tomorrow when today isn't over
i'm not saying that you shouldn't plan for the future
but it's better to live in the now then in the later
everyday is 24hours of life
so why waste it?
why waste it on hate
why waste it on doubt
why waste it on anger
why waste it in regret
why waste it in those
instead, i choose to live 24hours
24hours of life
24hours of love
24hours of joy
24hours of peace
24hours of laughter
but most of all
24hours of serving others
24hours of giving to others
24hours caring for others
24hours of unconditionally loving others
there are many people who are cynical
and many who think that they know me
but the truth is they don't
because of my past as a spoilt brat
they think i can't changethey think i can't givethey think i can't carebut all this time, i have been loving them
even though they don't see it
they always think that i have an agenda
or that i'm out to harm them
but honestly, i'm harmless
maybe just that bit more clever with my wordsmaybe just that bit more daring with my actionsmaybe just that bit more free with whatever i dobut even if they don't see me
it doesn't really matter
the world is made up of different kinds of people
and all i have to do is follow what God says
and everything will be alright.
everything will be alrightas long as i walk side by sidewith my Daddy Godi'm feeling guilty now because i have an exam
in less than two hours, but here i am
not studying, but blogging.
haven't studied much either, just did some reading through
i was supposed to study yesterday, but i fell ill with the cold
and all i did was sleep, blogg and email yesterday
argh.why do the most irritating things happen when you least need it
i don't need a cold!
i need to study!!
ok, so it's also my fault for procrastinating till the last minute.
and yes, i have to run off now to do some last-minute studying
wish me luck!and please God, help me through.make all the things that i'm studying come out in the exam!and then if i make any huge mistakes, please let me see themand if i don't see the mistakes, please cover the markers eyes!ok, i just want to pass my prelims. please. please. please.(or maybe not. cause then maybe they'll give me extra lessons or something)... i never wanted to feel this way ..... but your smile just floats by ... your fingers on the fret .and then i'm lost in youMonday, September 10, 2007
i've been thinking long and hard
about this one aspect of life
it's something that all girls dream of
and all the guys want to score in
but to me, this dating is more than just a game
it's a process that allows you
to know the other person before committing
and in today's society, all we're doing is
treating it as a game where
the more the merrier
but i'm walking out of this game
kissing dating goodbye
at least for now
because there's so many more things in life worth doing
there are so many more adventures for me
the paths i can take are innumerable
so why stick to one where you're tied down?
sure, i still like my fair share of guys
like for example, my ex-boy(s)
i don't like them in
that way already
but when someone walks into your life
and your heart as well
it's kinda hard to pull them out
you'll always love and remember them
in a friendly & loving sort of way
then of course there's this current hottie
whom i can't stop raving about
(kor kor, you know who =P)
whom i want to know more about
but who also has nothing to do with me
other than the fact that i've been seeing him
more often at cell meetings recently
(and at Church cause
he catches my eye!)
and of course, the thousand others
who are nothing more than
temporal crushes
the dating scene nowadays is just filled with
fast & furious movements
and nobody really treasures the other party
and the old romantic ways
have all been forgotten and lost in time
but i don't want that
i'm looking for an old-school romance
where we start slow
we move slow
and we just wait for the right time
to do the right things
long strolls at the park, beach & shopping malls
long chats and coffee at any place where we can just sit for hours
movies and plays at the cinemas and the esplanade
concerts of all kinds just because we want to spend time with each other
sending me all the way home and leaving only after i've closed the door
asking my parents for permission to date me before you ask me out
flowers & bears randomly just to make me happy
you know, just all
the old-school, traditional romancei know i'm asking for a lot
but my next boyfriend
will be my last boyfriend
my one & only husband
i don't ask for much
just that you love God
and you love me
"God, give me the right guy. =)"you know my expectations right?*psst* just in case you forgot, it's that long list.and i promise that i'll still love You first in my lifeGod, then husband k. *pinkie promise!*Through It All -Hillsong
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
cover me with Your hand
and lead me in Your righteousness
and I look to You
and I wait on You
I'll sing to You Lord
a hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in
everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
through it all
i haven't sang this song for quite a while
i haven't listened to it for quite a while too
but today, when we sang it during worship
everything suddenly came back to me
when i was at Believers' Music
i used to love playing this song on my keyboard
even though i was just learning to play the basic chords
i used to love worship leading this song
because whenever i sang it
it came from the bottom of my heart
but why have i changed so much
why have i lost so much passion and faith
someone once told me that
he was very impressed with the faith
that i have in God
sure, it flattered me
but i was just wondering to myself
where has my faith gone?
comparing myself to the girl of my past
maybe there's nothing much to compare
because nothing much has changed on the outside
i'm still happy-go-lucky because i don't want to be sad
i always think of sacrificing self before bothering others
but what has been nagging is the level of passion in me
where's the girl who was leading worship
planning camps, serving my youth ministry
fellowshipping with my friends
and just loving life and loving God
has life become so complex that i am who i am today?
i think the answer is NO.
i've become so stressed and anxious about everything
because i lost some faith
i've given up in certain areas
and this is not the path that i want to take
my future is more than this
and i believe that i'll shine
brighter than the stars
because of His wonderful plan for me
never, ever, give up
always trust in Him
for He has the best
and will always have
the BEST for you!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
no. this post has nothing to do with JayChou
although i'd love to see his movie "不能说的秘密"
unfortunately, i do not have a boyfriend
and i refuse to watch the movie alone
just like i refused to watch "The Lake House" alone
but yes, this post has something to do with
ROMANCE!
honestly, i never thought i'd feel this way.
for the first time, i'm 暗恋-ing a guy
usually i wouldn't be interested in a guy
unless he was courting me and i think he's worth it
or, like my last relationship
it was a mutual liking that took over naturally.
hahas. 暗恋-ing is no fun at all.
but well, i don't know him that well either
lols. think about the 'A' levels first
boyfriends can come later
and if it's God's will
he'll definitely be mine
if not, there's better.
sing me a rainbowand i'll love youFriday, September 07, 2007
they came into my life
very randomly;
at a time when i wasn't
the least sociable.
when i was at the very
lowest time of my life
i never really interacted
with any of them
built up walls of defences
all around me to protect myself;
but they tried again and again
to bring me into their life
they gave it their best
they gave it their all
one day God said
"Princess, you need to fellowship"
and tears started falling
as did the walls that were built
being with them, as i did
was a great experience
because of all the fun
laughter and joy that they have brought
sometimes i still don't know
what to say when i'm with them
but having at least 7 more brothers
has made me a lot happier
having 4 more sisters
has made me the luckiest girl alive
a Princess surrounded by Princesis Daddy's gift to every little girl.thank you N233 for loving me.oh-yah! before i forget,you'll have kou-fu tomorrow080907;quelyn's made brownies for cell!he took her hand and told her
"i'll love you forever"
she pushed his hands away and said
"forever is subjective"
well.. i really wonder
how subjective is forever?
honestly, in terms of human years
"forever" is almost like saying never
but, that's a question to be pondered later
currently, tomorrow is my second prelim paper
and prelims officially start in another 3days
where my next paper will be my ever-dreaded
ECONOMICS...
honestly, i've had a week of holidays
a supposedly study break
but i haven't studied anything at all.
nothing. zilch. nada. nil!
i know i haven't been a good Christian
most of the time, i'm a Sunday Christian
even though i try not to be
i keep my faith in Him in everything
but other than that, i think i don't actually
deserve to be called a Christian...
or maybe i'm just placing too much expectations on myself.i don't know
but whatever comes next,
in the next few weeks,
i can only hand it to God
and say,
"God, please, please, stop me from procrastinating."life's not counted by the number of breaths you take
but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
and again, another line that really hits homelife should be lived like thatand at the end of the day, i assure you thatyou'll die without any regrets, whatsoever. or at least i will.Romeo's breath was taken awaynot because he died of poisonbut because there was her, Juliet.Superheros like Superman and Spidermanthey take the breaths of civilians awaynot because of their abilities to fly or scale wallsbut because of the heart that these heros have.everyone is an angel, as long as love exists in one's heart.everyone is a hero, as long as courage lives within one's soul.you never know when you're going to be someone's heroyou never know when you're going to be someone's angelyou never know when your actions could change another's lifechange yourself, and you could impact your familyyour family could impact your neighbourhoodyour neighbourhood could impact your townyour town could impact the nationyour nation could impact the world.Tuesday, September 04, 2007
dream like you'll live forever
live like you'll die tomorrow
this quote is going to bring me through the rest of my life
it doesn't matter whether i going to university or not
it doesn't matter whether i get married or not
it doesn't matter if i die tomorrow or not
the most important thing is that i'll die with no regrets
and i'll die having done whatever God has placed me on the earth to do
my dreams, they may seem impossible
even to me.
because of many, many reasons.
bu with God, nothing is impossible
and i just have to wait for the right time
and of course to hear what God has to say
maybe He has a better dream for me
but right now, i'll do my best in whatever He has placed in my life
and when that's over, He'll being me another step closer to my dream
faith. that's all i need to have.patience.is what i need to pass through.love.is everything that will pull me through.Monday, September 03, 2007
i once heard someone saying that
when life's all about drama
sometimes you keep acting and acting
and you forget yourself
but the troubles in life
they seem to become so minute to life
and that's the trade-off in the relationship
sometimes, that's the way i feel
no one really knows who i am
not even the people who are close to me
they never know
and will never know
because this is the way my life is
i'm open for everyone to see
my laughter and cheerful voice
is something that i share with the world
yet i'm so mysterious because
no one really knows my full story
they don't know the truthsthey don't know the liesthey don't know the painthey don't know the sacrificebut as life goes on
there's no where else to move
but forward
so i just rest in the arms of God
and pray that i can follow Him wholly
there are so many people i love and want to continue being friends with. but somehow, they just start drifting away and ignoring me. they bitch behind my back, calling me names like 'bitch', 'bimbo' and 'slut' when i have done nothing to offend them. i don't like life like this. i don't like what is going on. but i continue to love them. i don't hope to be their friends anymore. i'm not that naive to think that you would be. i'll give more than i have to. but i won't give more than He asks me to. i just want you to know that i love you gals, all of you in 0602, no matter what you think of me. if you want to bitch about me, it's your choice. but i'll still love you, like i always have. i don't know what made the change, but it doesn't really matter.
God, forgive us of our sins
as we forgive those who have trespasses us.today as i was just pondering
i suddenly realized one thing
i've walked a full 365 days
without your presence in my life
i never thought that i could
have made it this far
especially the days after we split
and i was left in tears
but today as i look back
on the year i've lived without you
i realize that i've not been
thinking of you as much as before
the corridors of the school
don't have your shadow anymore
the open spaces and places
don't have your presence anymore
is this what it means
to have time wash away the pain
if it is then i thank time
for the pain was something
i could have done without
in honest truth i tell you
i don't miss you anymore
i did love you then
with all my heart, i swear
but now all i miss
were the moments i had with you
the warmth i felt when we held our hands
the endearments of "lovelove"
but now i realize
that i don't really love you anymore
i've moved on with life
just as you have done
long before...
Sunday, September 02, 2007
=Dtoday i'm extremely happy!
because i baked a brownie and a cake
and they're
NOT burnt!!! hahas.
for the first time i actually successfully baked
well, that just means more baking days ahead!
ok, time to go and do my KI IS already.
i have consultation tomorrow at 9am
and i have another 2500 words to write!!
argh.
God, save me...
NO reserves.NO retreats.NO regrets.
life is full of amazement - i just realized.
but personally, i also came to realize that
i always have to learn it in some other way
through the eyes of someone else
or throught the lives of someone else
i realize that most of the things that i come into amazement with
usually comes when i'm watching my drama serials
but more often than not, i also realize that
that same amazing thing has already happened to me
i just didn't open my eyes wide enough to see everything around me
like today, i once again learnt that my happiness shouldn't be dependent on another person.
but guess what, i realize that the past few days, i thought that my happiness would depend on whether i could find a guardian angel to love me.
of course, i still wish i had an angel by my side
but, i realize that there are so many other things that i should be happy about.
like the fact that i am breathing and can still see, hear, taste, smell and feel the world around me.
hahas. but i always learn my lessons a little late.
but there's no rush.
i still have a long life ahead.
time to go and sleepand visit the angels in my dreamsand when i awakei will face realitysimply.Saturday, September 01, 2007
she sat there, legs crossed, a cushion hugged in her embrace
so silent, so peaceful.
yet in her mind, pictures of herself
screaming in frustration was all that she could see
as she zoned back into reality
she realized where she was
she knew what she wanted to do
but, everything around her stops her from her dreams
she felt something on her cheeks
her hands brushed them
and then she realized
once again, she was silently cryingsounds like something out of a fanfiction? or a scene from a particular drama you once watched?
no. that's not it.
because this is reality.
this is reality.
my reality.
i would have been so much happier
somewhere else.
being a NYJCian has been a great journey
but as the pressure mounts
i don't know what i'm studying for
i don't want to study...
it's been my life dream to be on a stage, on a screen
but my parents have always objected.
they wanted me to study.
they said i'll have a great future
but will that future be happy?
what is happy?
to me, it would be dancing, singing, acting.
sure, i may not be famous
but i'd rather go through shit learning dance routines
getting scolded because i can't reach that note that my vocal coach wants me to
but not going through so much pressure just to get As at the 'A' levels.
"then why do you still work so hard?"
you may ask.
because i don't want to disappoint my parents.
i don't want to disappoint anybody.
i've never lived for myself.
and i guess i'll never will.
send me a guardian angelwho will watch over meand love me as i amdon't expect anyone greatjust a simple personwho loves simply
