i'm no Martin Luther King Jr., but i dare to say that like him, i have a dream. not just a dream, but many dreams that i want to fulfill. they may not be as noble as freeing African Americans from discrimination, but to me, those dreams are just as noble. however, i'm confined to what i can and cannot do by many things. family objections, financial constraints, societal opinions and religious committments.

when will i be able to fulfill these dreams of mine?
will they be in the plan that God has for me?
and what if they are not?
will i have to give up these dreams?

time comes, time goes.
people come, people change.
opportunities are taken, opportunities are lost.

i just matriculated into NUS today, meaning that i'm officially a student of this institution of higher education. and it feels weird because everything is new. i'm living in hall, learning to upkeep a room of my own. having to plan my own timetable and bid for modules as well. then there's the myrid of other things that i have to do like dance and hall stuff and running etc. today at the matriculation fair, i signed up for something called RUNNUS which is slightly less than two weeks away from the Nike+Human 10k. so in the month of August itself, i'll be running a total of 20k! COOL!

but i ask myself, am i starting to see a new trend forming? is this what i'm going to run to after this period of dance? honestly, i want my answer to be "no" because i know that all these things are temporal and won't satisfy me. it's so irritating to know and not know the answer to a question that you've been wanting the answer to for a long time.

anyway, a new resolution. other than not having any boyfriends for the next semester, i won't have eyecandies either. i know myself all too well and i don't want to fall into my own traps. so, if i want to maintain my CAP, excel in hall activities as well as continually and faithfully participate in church activities to find back what i have lost, then i have no time for another person in my life. me, i think i got into a hell lot of boy trouble the last week. so it's time to put an end to all this and continue life normally like it is supposed to be.

not many people know, but i've signed up for the Nike+Human 10K Singapore Race. to many people, 10K is nothing. to me, it used to be nothing because at my best 2.4KM timing, i'd be able to complete 10K in less than an hour. but now, 10K to me is almost impossible. there's a time limit of 2hrs until the roads that are being used for the race are opened up to the public again. so my personal goal for my first race is to be able to complete it under that time and reach the finishing line without walking. sounds harsh to me right now. but if i want to continue to doing the ArmyHalf and subsequently the Standard Chartered 42.195K, then i've got to start somewhere.

this coming academic year of 08/09, i'm not just going to get a good CAP. i'm going to push myself to new heights because i've been stagnant for too long. the past 6months have been a good experience and lesson. so now it's time to try something new. i'm going to excel in Hall life as well. and i'm NOT going to get a boyfriend anytime soon. these are going to be my resolutions for the academic year ahead. and i hope that after my next birthday, i'll be able to run the 21K ArmyHalf Marathon.

:)

quelyn wants to find her faith back...

dance routines and practices are getting harder and harder. Sab, our dance i/c is getting stricter and stricter as well during dance practices. the standards have been raised and we've been cleaning our dance for almost a week now. steps have been changing constantly and we've been scolded from time to time. but, it's all for Rag, and i think that it's really worth it.

dance has been the only thing that i look forward to everyday. dance is what i'm living for right now. and i finally went to the sinseh a few days ago. but i think it doesn't really help that one day after i took out the bandage with that smelly medicine, i started dancing again. i really can't help it because the pain is what's keeping me alive. hah. so many good and bad things have happened recently, and the pain, the dancing - they are my source of escape from reality. escape from whatever i see, whatever i'm going through, i run to dancing to take me away from it. sure, it's a temporary escape, but it works very well.

recently, as the days go by, i've found someone that i think is quite a potential. i've been eye-candying him for a while now, and as the days go by, he proves to be better than i thought. but because i don't know him at all, i can't say anything. and i've sworn never again to take the first step because it's really tiring to keep having to give without recieving - so he's not going to be my boy any time soon. but there are some irritating people who knew this little secret of mine and they make it so obvious that he's being eye-candied. and i was talking to my senior yesterday night, in a fluster because i knew he knew. hahas. and i think i really respect this senior i was talking to. she told me: " it might be a good thing that he knows because at least you'll be able to see what kind of person he is. some guys who know will sart giving you the cold shoulder, and those are the type who are not worth liking. others will still treat you normally, and these are the type whom you know are good."

i don't know how true this piece of advice is. but if it's true, i think he's really a good person. lols.

well, enough about him. the probability of him being mine = >10% (less than 10% - translated because i'm not sure if my sign is correct) for a various number of reasons. firstly because i don't know if he's a Christian. secondly, because i don't know him very well at all. thirdly, because i'm not going to "chase" him at all. i think it's just dumb for a girl to chase a guy. see, not going to work out anytime soon. hahas.

well, tomorrow it's back to dance at 9am! one hour earlier than usual. and later in the night (or rather, early morning) i'll be going down to help in the ME. i slept at 4am this morning and woke up at 9+. wonder if i can wake up tomorrow morning in time...

countdown to RAG : 2Weeks!

seniors presentation is finally over. today, i saw people who have stayed and who are staying in Sheares Hall. and all of them have one thing in common - they've all joined Rag in one way or another. it was quite a tiring and nervous day for all of us because we had to learn new dance steps at the last minute, get used to new markings and formations because the performance area was extremely small. but over all, i think that it was a great performance as we are now. it wasn't the full sequence, but at least we were able to do the parts that we showed very successfully. =D

RAG DANCERS, I'M REALLY PROUD OF US!

however, we still have a long way to go. today was good enough only for seniors presentation, but it's not Rag standard yet. but it's ok, we can all do it. count down to RAG is 3WEEKS! let's do it!

<3

mostly, this whole song says what i felt on that day and of course, the subsequent days till now. to the person whom this song is out to, i really hope that you're doing well right now. there are a lot of things that i can't say to you, whether in the past, now, and maybe even the future. but one day if we really meet face to face again, i hope that there won't be much awkwardness between us. :)

well, i'm signing off for today already! <3

time passes really fast and in a blink of an eye, more than half a year has passed. for myself, i have to find a time for me to sit down and see how i have spent this half a year. the past 6-8months of my life was the last time that i'll ever have such a long break. after this, it's university, hall life, maybe a boyfriend, honours and then the working world. it's been a very fulfilling yet confusing 6months plus because so many things have happened, so many things have changed, and of course, the way i think, act and react to situations have changed. i've grown, matured, and have been forced to take up roles that i never expected to take up at this age. no one knows who i really am because they never see the full picture of who quelyn really is. those who know will realize that i'm not as strong as i seem to be. they will also know that i am not as confident as i display to the world. the only thing that everyone doesn't know is what my vulnerable points are. and no, i'm not going to tell you what they are.

living life day by day has brought new revelations to me on the meaning and value of life. it has taught me to treasure each hour and minute that i have. yet, i am still learning to treasure the ones that God has placed around me, whether i can see them are not, whether they are far from me or close to home. to the world, i'm very sociable. i keep myself busy and i'm always involved in some dance or camp or project or something of that sort. but in actual fact, i'm a very lonely person. maybe because i'm a loner in some ways. but that is another reason why i'm staying in hall. hall, is a hostel that's home away from home. i like the atmosphere there. but i don't know if i'll really find true friends there. friends are always easy to find and easy to make. but a true friend who will stick with you through all that sh*t, bi*ching & fu*king are hard to find because when everyday is a "hi & bye", true friends don't come easy. i thank God that i have God to talk to. or at least i think so.

well, birthday post coming in soon! i'm still recieving birthday presents. lols. will post when everything is in so that i can have a ful picture of all my pressies! so far i've got bags, notebooks (not those laptop kinds. it's the ones where you can write in.), jewellery stands, money, my second favourite, a very shocking phone call and of course, my number one favourite, plushies and teddies! you'll be seeing them soon!

<3

too tired to type about what happened on my birthday
all i have to say is that it was a blast
and that i will definitely dedicate one whole post to it.
(duh! it's my BIRTHDAY! hahas.)

and i'm really really tired. however, i'm still going to blog because i haven't touched my laptop for 4days!! but more than that, it's because i really had a great time at LTC as a Prefect this year. LTC08's theme was "Harry Potter" and the activities were all centered around the TriWizard Tournament that was held in Hogwarts. that's basically the summary of what LTC08 was about.

as the Prefect (previously known as "Facilitator") of Flitwick, all i have to say is that I AM VERY EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU! and i really want to thank you guys for the card that you'll wrote for me. i'll take it as an early birthday present because i got it within my birthday week. hahas. but, back to the topic, seeing all of you grow from pre-camp is the greatest satisfaction that i have gotten as a Prefect. reading what you W&Ws have written, i want to say that i'm really thankful for all of you being in my group. during our facilitation sessions, i never really got a chance to acknowledge you one by one. but i hope that you'll will be reading my blog, and that you will see what i have to say to you. on second thought, i think i'll email you W&Ws personally. and obviously, my blogg is like my Pensieve already, so my personal reflections on the camp will also be here. :)

RAR. oh no. i might have to break this into a few posts because i'm really very very tired. and i have dance practice at 10am @ NUS tomorrow morning. i've got to go sleep!!! RIGHT. i shall continue tomorrow. don't worry, i have many more things to say to you W&Ws. =D

NIGHTS!

continuing from where i left off that night...

for me, LTC this year was a chellenge, not only physically but mentally as well. coming back from a full month of camps and what not, i had to prepare myself for facilitation sessions, thinking through what i would ask if a certain situation happened or if a certain situation did not happen. the challenge was also in dealing with a generation totally different from mine where the "hard" ways of punishment and scolding would not work. the group dynamics were also vastly different from before and i learnt alot about how to deal with such a group and how to play on the strengths of each other to motivate and encourage the others. other than that, personally it was a challenge because i was going through the one star cert for kayaking with the W&Ws. i actually thought of giving up because it would be too self-centered for me to do that as it would mean that i would have less time to be able to watch the W&Ws development. but in the end, God has the perfect plan. my group had one person short and the instructor just said that i could do the test along with the others. and at the same time, i was still able to observe my charges to be able to facilitate them later on.

of course, in the learning process, not everything will be all happy and good. but my learning points from the camp would be

1. to have more confidence in what i know i can do
2. to be less dependent on people who are more experienced than me
3. to be non-judgemental about the people
4. and not to have any expectations that are based on another person's experience.

well, W&Ws of Flitwick, i hope that all of you had a good time at LTC and have learnt something more about yourself and about leadership. i'll be around school very soon, and i hope to see you'll again.

also, last but definitely not the least, to my Senior Prefect, Chailing and to my co-Prefect, Cheng En, thank you for going through this journey with me. without the both of you, i wouldn't have been able to learn so much. thank you for the four days together, and i hope that i'll see the both of you at LTC again next year. and hope to meet up with the both of you soon!

<3

hahas. i'm turning 19 this year.
argh... my last year with a '1' in front of my age.
thank you for all the prayers and well wishes
thank you for the pretty bag that's very quelyn!
and thank you for the beautiful bling watch. =)

thank you N415!

also, please do note that ...

i just finished watching the japanese drama "絶対彼氏" and it really made me think about alot of things. the rough storyline is of a robot built to be the perfect boyfriend for this particular girl. but as the story goes on, he slowly turns "human", having the emotions and ego that we have, overwriting his own program to prove that he really loves this girl with all his "heart". and what really hit me was that this robot with a heart of nuts, bolts and screws could go all out unconditionally for this girl. even though it was his programming working at first, but in the end, he really burnt himself out, literally, to make her happy, to ensure that she will always have a smile on her face.

it reminded me of the unconditional love of God and then, the selfish love of Man. Night, the robot, was bulit by the selfish love of Man to mimick the unconditional love of God. shows how much the world is crying out for love and to be loved. me, i will admit that i'm basking in that unconditional love of God, but i'm also waiting for a man who will give me that unconditional love as well, because i am waiting to give someone that unconditional love as well.

Riiko reminds me of myself. looking at her was like looking at the journey that i took since my last boyfriend. looking back now, i really was a selfish little brat. but i guess that's why i am human. i too, grow from experience. i too, grow from failure. selfish love says that you should keep loving me no matter what. unconditional love says, i love you no matter who you are and what you do. recently, i've been basking in God's unconditional love and it's really more than enough for me, so much so that i've been trying to give this love away because there's too much.

so, if i suddenly come up to you and hug you, it just means that i love you. =D

if you're free, go watch "絶対彼氏" online. it's also known as "Absolute Boyfriend" on crunchyroll.com. hahas.

<3

wow. if you are a person who knows me personally, you would know that
1. quelyn is not exactly the fittest person around,
2. quelyn is not the lightest person around &
3. quelyn is not a fan of heights at all.

but today, i was really pushed to my extreme with - CHEERLEADING STUNTS. when we first started, i was absolutely freaked out. but as time passed, it got better and better!! hahas. i'm quite tired now, so i'll let my aching muscles tell the story. =D

oh, one last thing, i really really want to sincerely thank YunYi & JianHui for being my base and back support because without the two of you, quelyn will never be able to be a "flyer". thank you to YY for talking me through everything, reminding me to lock my body and feeding me with all the small details when my brain wasn't working. and thank you to JH for repeatedly catching me whenever i fell backwards. after today, i can safely say that i trust the both of you with my life, literally. i don't know how many "thank-yous" i have to say before it fully expresses my gratitude. and i'm really sorry if i injured you in anyway.

i also want to thank the four cheerleading seniors, karen, nigel, ivan & i really don't know what's the name of the guy who was always with my group. but thank you, esp. to the three guys who did the shoulder stand and elevator with me. thank you. i know that i'm at least 7000times heavier than the normal girls that you carry, but thank you for being as stable as a rock, esp. nigel.

thank you to all the seniors, sab, seemun, mok, yayan & all the other rag dancers and whoever was present. thank you for always encouraging me after every stunt that i did. now i know why rag dancers are always so close at the end of rag. it's because we go through all this sh*t together and support each other in our weakest times. we bond together through all the sessions and we eat, bathe, sleep at the same times. really, i'm never going to regret being a RAG DANCER.