Monday, September 29, 2008
i just found this ingenious way of blogging.
if you understand, good for you.
if you don't, that's the whole point!
いれあっりみっしゃんぐぁお
いこのわてゃちいしのtぽっしbれべとぇえぬさにもれ
ぶちじゅしとかんちしとぽてぃしふぇえりんぎてゃちしんめ
いきのうぇしのちみねあにょれぶちじゅしちかんちしとぴろゔぃんぐぃみ
れしてらんっだにえり
てぇやれぴろびれみしとおお
いはてふぇえりんぎゃてぃすぁやべかうせいかのわてゃちちしうぃろんぎ
end of post.
don't try to translate it.
you're not meant to know what it means.
and you'll probably never know unless i tell you.
i think i'll really love you for a lifetime.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
the role in SP is a no-go. :( not because i can't act but because i'm just not right for the part. and that's quite sad, but it's ok. i'm still going to be in SP someway or another. i'm thinking of running for asst. stage manager! hahas. obviously because drama is already a part of me. next year, i'll be auditioning for band and SP again! but then, i'll be running for JCRC too. i'm not sure if i'll be able to do so many things. but well, time will tell. God will allow me to flourish in many other ways. :)
well... i'm quite sad now. disappointed, definitely. but i guess sometimes failure makes us grow even stronger. i hope that it's definitely that way. God, help! i know i've failed, but help me stand up again.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
i think i'm getting tired. tired of some people around me being so fake. i mean, seriously, if you want to bitch about me, do it in my face. i promise not to slap you. honestly, if we are going to work together for the next like 9 - 12 months, get this clear, if you're not happy with me, tell me. don't bitch about me behind my back while holding my hands when we go shopping together like we're best buddies. it doesn't work that way hun.
i'm also getting tired of uni life. sure, i can cope with all this studying crap. but i always wonder, why am i studying? why am i putting all this crap in my brain knowing that i'll never need it. i want to study something that is more relevant to what i want to do in the future. i don't need to know about marxist theories or why "Goodbye, Dragon Inn" is edited in a certain way to give a certain effect. i don't need to know why singapore's tourist attractions are so unoriginal. i know what i want to be in the future. and i know that whatever i'm studying now is not going to help. but then again, as the eldest in the family, i have the responsibility of being in university and wearing that cap so that my parents can take pictures with me and show them off to their friends.
crap.
God, give me a better reason for going through uni, please.
Monday, September 22, 2008
QUELYN HAS AN IPHONE!
i think that line explains it all.
:D
on another note, i wonder if my life is going too smoothly
sure you've never found anyone complaining about it right?
but after months of negative things happening...
well, i shall not think too much of it.
GOD LOVES ME!
and you, person who are reading do too right!
love yous!
Friday, September 19, 2008
CALLBACK!!
the one word that all drama peeps love to hear. SP auditions went fantastic yesterday night. thank you God! without You, i really couldn't have made it. lols. and the script that they gave me yesterday night is exactly like my day to day character - childish yet mature in some sense. rar. if i have gotten the other script, i don't know how well i would do. but the moment they told me that in the front i had to pretend to be a 6-year-old and at the monologue i had to be like 32, immediately i jumped for joy in my heart. LOLS!
so high!
ok. and yesterday night i had some "bonding" time with my level7 gorgeous seniors and level6 hunks. we played this game called "munchkins", which i still don't exactly understand. but we had like a total blast playing it till like close to 2am. hahas. and they tried to kill me twice, but both times i escaped for some reason. they attributed it to me being too innocent and blur. well. i guess that's just me. i like being good, hate being bad. my friends tell me i can never be a teacher cause i'm too nice and the kids will probably walk all over me. i think i need a boyfriend who can teach me to be a bit meaner, either that or he has to be totally protective of me. lols. so funny.
oh. and i didn't get into shacapella. but i guess that's ok. band has yet to say anything, but i don't really get my hopes high. geyao, no hope cause they went through second round of auditions already. yeah. ok. so that's hall activities. now i'm thinking of which committee to join and which sports to join. not too keen on sports though. but yah. have to have an all-rounded, balanced life. just hope that my ankle holds up. it's really getting a lot better already. i skipped dance this year to save myself from that cause dance is literally a whole year thing whilst sports is only during the IHG period and when we play with NTU's Hall3, i supposedly sister hall in the other university. lols. i wonder how sister halls are chosen cause we only have like 5 halls in NUS and NTU has like 10+ or even 20+ halls. cool yo!
ok, rushing to do other things! love y'all who read. tag so i know you're here.
BUAYS! (pronounced "buh-eyes" aka byes)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
actually now, even more than ever, i want to immerse myself in the world of music. day after day as i study my modules, i question myself as to why i'm doing this. the things that i learn now, i'll never really apply them to anything. but music, it's a passion. it's an interest. and it can become life too. but i have no other option. as the eldest, i have to take this path that is before me. i cannot veer to do something else because going through university is what i am expected to do. it's a responsibility. why, i ask myself, is this responsibility put on my shoulder? i, don't like it. i want to do music, be with music and BE the music.
sucks when you can't do that.
i'm really happy today cause i realized that i can serve at the Asia Conference! it ends two days before my first exam, but i mean, if i can serve God, why not. i've been out of service for more than two years already. but it's going to be exciting to work in the house of God again. i'm still not very sure what i'm going to serve as, but i just thank God for giving me this opportunity.
another thing, i dropped one module. it means that i have to take 6 modules next term, but it means that this term i have more time to do other things. from block stuff to Church stuff, i think it's a never ending list of what quelyn has to do. but i'm happy because everyday seems to be getting more and more fun! i have to start my time management though. i'm not very good at it. but dropping one module means that i have a lot more time to study. hehes.
and even now as i'm blogging, i'm quite sad also because i didn't get into geyao and shacapella. well, i don't know about band yet cause it's not totally finalize. but now i'm wondering if i should go for Sheares Production auditions. drama, something that i've loved since young but never really got a chance to do. God, i'm afraid that i won't be able to commit. but at the end of the day, i'm afraid that i won't be able to stay... next semester, i can forsee that it's going to be quite a "xiong" semester. 6 modules, IHG, block stuff, etc. yah. and SP is next semester as well. i'm thinking of joining IHG but i'm not sure if i'll get pass the tryouts. but it's not enough for me to stay in Sheares. hah. God, what shall i do?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
i don't actually know what i'm feeling right now. but all i have to say is that it doesn't feel like depression. neither does it feel like anger. i just don't really know what it is. this year seems to be fruitful in certain areas and frustrating in others. i can't dance, can't sing. can't anything that i want to. it's painful when you know you want to do something but can't because it's good for you. like how i'm not going for dance auditions although i badly want to because my ankle's not well yet. and it's painful to know that you can't do something because you screwed it up. like what i did to my geyao auditions. and it's painful to be cheated of your feels. like what they did in a certain cca, having enough people but still asking more people to go tryout and not entertain them in the end.
God, why can't i sing and dance?
do you have something better for me?
God, why can't he be mine?
or do you have someone better for me?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Easy vs. Difficult.
which one will you choose to walk?
i choose difficult.
because i want to grow
to be a stronger person
to be a more faithful person
it's not easy.
but i'm willing to take that risk.
i'm willing to jump that cliff.
because i know that there'll always be Him on my side.
things are definitely not getting easier
i'm walking more and more
onto a path i don't see the end to
but i believe that You are faithful.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
i can't really take it anymore. the whole of today i hear the voices of the adults in my life and all of them are saying the same line "be practical". recently i've been thinking about seriously going into music. i'm not saying that i'm going to give up NUS, nor am i going to give Sheares Hall up. but i just want to walk the road that i have wanted to for the longest time. i know i've got that talent. i know i've got that gift. i just don't have the blessings of my parents.
God, tell me what to do.
where should i walk?
and so i went for my GeYao auditions yesterday and i kinda screwed it up really badly because of various reasons. actually the moment i stepped into the room my mind went "ohno!" because i saw this guy whom i always felt nervous around sitting there at the front most position if there's such a thing. and i totally freaked. when i was filling in my particulars, seriously, i almost couldn't write my own name. this was the first singing audition in my life and in chinese too. i totally don't understand. if i could sing in front of like 700plus people in Japan, to strangers in the bar, why couldn't i sing in a room with less than 10people. during the auditions, i screwed up by forgetting my lyrics. the people in the room were nice enough to feed me the lines when i totally forgot them.
but the moment i walked out of the room, i totally got angry and sad with myself at the same time. really thank Joy for answering the phone like almost immediately when i called her. and Keith, i'm really sorry, i hope i didn't scare you, and thanks for the sms this morning. it really helped. =) yah, i cried like crap yesterday night. i tried not to, really i did. but at least there was Joy and Keith.
i realized later on that i actually put myself down alot of the time. i don't know why and i can't figure out why either. maybe it's because i don't have enough faith. maybe it's because i don't have enough confidence. but whatever it is, God, teach me to understand that i'll always be good enough because i'm already Yours.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
I feel that I've been taking things for granted. recently, I met a friend from china that actually is from an underground church. I thank God for sending her to singapore and into my life. Her story of how she got to know God and how she has actually grown inspired me greatly. What kind of christian have I been? What kind of daughter have I been? And what kind of friend have I been? Makes me think about a lot of things. Makes me see how much of life I've taken for granted and how much of my friends that I've lost. Coming back to God has been a wonderful experience even though there have been a few downs. But now I'm learning how to see more of others and less of me. I don't want to live as some selfish spoilt brat anymore. Other than the experience with my new friend, I want to thank God for leading me to a certain book that has given to me even more insights. Blog more later. :)
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
i'm actually at the NUS central library now and i'm supposed to be studying. well, i did. i'm doing my Japanese homework now. but it's not making sense to me, so i thought i'd come and blog a bit. i didn't really think that i would come to the library today but i decided to last minute because a senior had suggested it. he said that it's the best way to do homework when you're staying in hall. hahas. and i think i agree cause i finished, about 2 and a half sections out of 6 - that's quite good when you have absolutely almost no idea of what is going on. all my textbooks are totally in japanese, not a single english word. there are a few english letters here and there like N1, N2, but that's about it. kinda regretting taking Japanese now, but well, i want to be able to sing the language, so, let's start from the most basic of getting the language right.
oh, and did you know, it's freezing here! i'm wearing like a tube top, unfortunately - damn dumb move i must admit - and i haven't eaten since like yesterday night... thank God for lester's jacket. hahas. lent it to me a while ago and i haven't returned it since, but it saved my skin today! oh, and in my 5hr lecture.. and that super cold LT that i have 3 different lectures in, not including that 5hr lecture. hahas.
ah. one more thing. did you know, i got into Block Committee. well. how should i put it. went for the interview, wasn't totally impressed, was thinking if i made the right move and then BAM! next thing i knew, i'm part of it. i guess God has some plan if he put me into something that i was praying --- to get into. something must be there for me to do, so, so be it. i'll gladly do it, when God tells me what exactly it is i have to do, that is.
ok. going to study and do homework again. wish me luck/ pray for me and my neverending pile of homework that just keeps getting higher.
loves you. <3!
You Are Macaroni and Cheese
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Compared to most people, you are quite playful. You are a big kid at heart.
It doesn't take much to make you happy. You live for simple, happy moments.
You are very content. You don't try to make life overly complicated.
You remain thankful for whatever you have. Even if it isn't much, you make the best of things.
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Tuesday, September 02, 2008
What Quelyn Koh Means
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People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are.
You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth.
You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
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Monday, September 01, 2008
easy is a word that has come to be very unfamiliar to me. as if things are not confusing enough, i have to deal with a whole lot more of things that i don't really want to. school's not getting any slower and i don't have enough time to even breath because of the number of readings i have to catch up on, the number of tutorials i have to do and the number of lectures that i have to go to. hall's not being very kind on me either because i'm having a ton of things that i don't want being thrown on to me like pageant and random activities that come up. i don't even have to power to say 'no' because even when i do, nobody listens to me. my personal life, enough said, i don't want to talk about it anymore.
so, with that ranting done, let's break it down. my personal life, God will take care of that eventually. i just hope that it's sooner or later, but not a in-the-middle timing. i'm not ready to handle any of that just yet. God, clear my mind. i don't want to think about it. if it's him, i'm not ready yet. God, if it isn't him, can you tell me now? hall, is a totally new thing to me and i'm almost an in between of a phantom and a block comm-er. so weird right. between power and powerless. i'm almost going to go crazy. i want to find someone i can talk to in hall but everyone's got their own little cliques cause all of them went through orientation together. maybe it's just me thinking too much. but i don't know. God, can i have wisdom to deal with this? school, i just have to deal with it and ask God for more time!
God, all i can say is HELP!
