today was really a day of mixed emotions if you ask me. i'm really happy today because i rededicated my life to God again. for the first time in almost 2years, i'm going back because i really really love God again. not because of someone else. i'm starting my walk with God again because i really want to go further with Him, because i really saw what life was without him. God, i don't want to ever live without you again. i don't want to be out of your sight for even a single second.

i've learnt a lot this week. and it's all thanks to a few people like Joy, Karen and Lester. as well as Brother Edmund. all these weeks i've really been struggling and trying to find something close to what i used to have with God. and at first, i didn't find anything. but it's the people around me who really kept me going, kept me trying as hard as i could to find that spark back. to all the people who've come down to hall to visit me, thanks much! i really don't know what to say cause everytime you guys come, you'll will definitely bring something that i'll need. to Joy and Karen, thanks for coming down to have lunch with me and walk walk with me. to Lester, i can't list everything down cause there's too much to say, but thank you truck loads and truck loads. you'll always be the one that i can count on to share all my random things. and to brother Ed, i don't see you very often, but thank you for all the little sermon notes and revelations that you post on your blog cause they've kept me going all this while. 

quelyn sprained her ankle again. :( cries. and it's very very painful cause it hasn't healed from the last sprain yet. i'm seriously considering if i should go for next week's Nike run. 10km, can my ankle last another 10km? recently i guess i haven't been really taking care of myself cause i've been too busy to do so. Rag, NUS, Sheares, IBG, my marathons and races.

how many things can one person contain, how many things can one person do without overworking. i think that this period of time is another one of those periods where i'm challenging myself to go over my current limits at the expense of myself. but i realize that i am one person who doesn't know when to stop. i tend to push myself to a point where even i myself am sometimes scared of myself. but i really don't know when to stop. with no one to really look after me, sometimes i feel that i'm useless.

but then again, i have my own independent streak. i'd rather hobble my way down from the 7th floor to the common hall in another block to get ice for my leg than ask for help. i'd rather do things myself than ask people to do them for me. i'd rather take up all the responsibility than let another take the blame for it. how strong can one person be? how much can one person take?

well, tomorrow before class starts, i'm going to get my Nike Race Pack. then, i'll consider if i'll run on sunday. the following week's going to be hectic because tutorials are starting and i've got IBG (my hall's sports event of the semester where i am the sports secretary, ironically) and SNDCC (hall's national day formal dinner which i bought a very pretty dress for. =] ) on wednesday.

well, so far, hall life's been quite fun. went kbox-ing with a few of my blockies on friday and had a blast! i didn't know that my guy friend could sing like feiyuqing! and he really sounds quite alike. hahas. that night, we were supposed to have handball, but it got cancelled due to the rain. so another different group of blockies and i went to shengshiong to buy stuff for a STEAMBOAT! hahas. we were steamboating from like 11.30pm till about 2plus in the morning!

well, today was quite a bad day cause of the stupid sprained ankle. i pray it gets better. if you're reading this post, pray for me to, whichever religion you belong to. and i'm praying to Jesus that it'll be a better week the next 7days and that i'll look pretty for my date at SNDCC (did i mention that i HAD TO ask a senior to be my date? goodness. that was the first time in my life i ever asked a guy to be my date. super embarassing! but he's a really nice guy who'll be very busy on that night cause he's performing in the band.) and that my ankle will get better in like 2days so that i can wear heels to SNDCC and so that i can play the IBG events. yupp. i think i'm praying for a lot of things. and i pray that they all come true.

haven't been blogging cause life's been super hectic! lectures started last week and tutorials are starting next week. university is a whole new world and it's a new level-playing ground that all of us are on. lectures are more dependent on the individual now because readings are not given by the teacher directly. everything is on an online portal called IVLE. sucks big time, but this is what uni is all about, growing up. hahas.

i "celebrated" my one month in hall just four days ago. one month in hall, and my room's become a home, really a home away from home. in hall, there are many things that are not under your control, so i didn't get to choose which block i wanted to be in. unfortunately for me, the block i'm in ain't really my ideal cause i like a more family-esque block. but i got into a sports block. RAR. i'm fitting in ok, but like the other rag dancers, we've all got a long way to go, a long journey to walk to prove that we belong in our own blocks cause the rest of the freshies got to know each other at SWOC, which we missed due to our dancing. the same as usual, i click faster with the guys than with the girls. the seniors are actually really nice and my best friend will be leaving next sem cause she's an SEP student.

well, not going to blogging anytime soon cause IBG is happening the next two weeks. the last sunday, i ran RUNNUS and finished 10km in 1hr 47mins! no mean feat k. the stu*id course had like 3 steep slopes that were literally vertical, the water points has no water... but i did it! in another week and a half, i'll be running another 10km, this time in the NIKE + Human 10k race. hope that wherever you are, you'll be running with me too cause it's happening in i think at least 10 other countries. yeah! IBG = Inter-Block Games if you're not too sure. and it's only ending next friday. next wednesday there's SNDCC. i got the coolest guy to be my date (freshies had to ask seniors to go for the dinner and rar. it was the first time i asked a guy out on a date! sick. but at least my date's cool! friendly too! lucky me. :D)

well, going to do some work, my readings are literally piling up!
<3s.
:)

Rag is over. like totally over. school has started and we're all starting a new phase of life. 8thAug was a day where Sheares Raggers cried together like there was no tomorrow because we lost the Chancellors' Shield to our arch-rivals, KR. after so many sleepless nights, after so many red and tired eyes, we still lost to a shoe. i'm still sore about it, but i shall let it pass and simmer because it's going to be my motivation for next year. for two months, we lived, breathed, ate, slept RAG. although we didn't win, at least, we did our best. and that's what counts the most. Raggers - whether you are dancers, MEs, designers, maincommers, parttime helpers etc. - know that you've made a difference. you made that difference in the float, you made that difference in the scales, you made that difference in the performance, you made that difference to Sheares.

today i started my Uni life, my very first lecture in NUS was 5HOURS LONG! argh. but at least it was kind of interesting. went to lecture with cheryl chong and sort of with juni. didn't really make any new friends yet cause everyone there seems to already have their own friends who is taking the mod with them. had breakkie with some of my fellow dancers then gerald and i sent breakkie to juni's room. HAHA! super hilarious cause we were outside his room and then we wanted to put the breakkie IN his room, so we opened the door but it was latched, so gerald squished the pau and custard puff through the opening and left it next to juni's magiclean. i was giggling all the way, and woke juni up!

oh well. and i have loads of readings and textbooks to go through. ARGH. the beginning of another phase of life. well, let's go!

less than two more days to Rag. less than 48hours to complete the task ahead. less than two sunrises to reach that dream that all of us have been aiming for as a hall for the past two months. two months of thinking, of backbreaking, of cuts & bruises, of sweat, tears and blood, literally. this is what all of us have been working for. this is what i have been breathing and sleeping every waking moment and every short night's dream.

the engineers, designers and material engineers are working on less than 4hours of sleep everyday for the last week or longer. we're all rushing, giving our best. our chairperson, jungseong, has been drilling his tagline for this year's Rag - we're the winning team because we've got the winning moves and combos. but without a complete float, we won't be anywhere. that's why all of us are working round the clock. dancers, we dance from 9am to 11pm. we slack a little and then go down to help in material engineering, sleeping only at about 3am everyday. then we wake at 8am again to begin the day.

this is what all of us have been doing the past few weeks. we've sacrificed everything for this, the weekends, the nights. to show NUS that we as Sheares are unbeatable. today i went out with the dancers for Flag. we had loads of fun and took lots of pictures, camwhoring during the journeys there and back. then we came back to hall and started dancing again. after a long hiatus of 3days, i started dancing again today.

my ankle is nowhere near better by any standards. swollen. painful. nothing else needs to be said cause those two words barely summarize it. words don't do justice to what i feel. but i'm dancing again because it's two days to Rag. less than 48hours. i'm doing this because i've worked too long and have given too much to give up at this point of time. too many things are at stake here. too much blood to be freely given away.

i'm not giving up, no matter what you tell me.

sprained my ankle, AGAIN.
and just less than 5hours before Junior Presentation.
so F***** UP.
i'm using colourful language.
so you know how pissed / irritated / indignant / "sian diao" i am.

6 more days to RAG.
everyone's rushing.
everyone's giving their all for this dream
the dream that all Shearites share
to win the Chancellors Shield, again.
we are really fighting all out in whatever we do
but i'm slowing down

i have to get better
i MUST get better in 4days or less
it's going to take a miracle
and i'll believe in one