| early evening reverie |

take a look at the other side of the coin .

on the way to work now and blogging from my iPhone yet again. the trusty companion for almost a year now! how time flies. been working at the same bar (part-time) for almost a year and a half already. though my working times aren't fixed, at least it's a source of income that comes in somewhat irregularly to match my equally irregular spending habits. i like the job even though everyone tells me that i shouldn't be working there. but it's a decent job, so i'm not complaining.

the other side of the coin, i've seen today it seems. hahas. firstly, i changed my impression of someone whom i used to be afraid of. and now, i think she's quite nice. maybe it's because she's a senior and i seem to always be one of her charges, and thus, it's intimidating to think of her as a friend since we're not very close. i used to think that she's scary, but now, i think she's okay. but of course, there's still a little apprehension there though.

secondly, i think it's time to take a break from matters of the heart, like really not have any boyfs for the next few months. hard when the person that you actually kinda like stays in the same hall as you, but we'll see how that goes. i'm not really his type anyway cause i'm not pretty or skinny enough. hah. yes, i like how i look, love even - that's where all the narcissism comes from. but when it comes to dealing with what the opposite sex likes, i put myself down all the time. and i have a feeling that even if i lost another 10kgplus, i'll still put myself down.

thirdly, i realized why i like him. he comes off as a bad boy. he does everything that bad boys do. but i liked the flip side of him. the one that takes care of me like a gentleman. the one who makes sure i'm safe and protected. the one who said that i was beautiful, not hot. but beautiful. i think the last point is very important because i'd never go out with a guy who tells me that i'm hot. never. cause those kind of guys are only looking for one thing. saying that a girl is beautiful means that he looked that bit more deeper than all those other guys.

but we're still not meant to be, that i know for sure.
i'm tempted to ask for a short term rship, be loyal once again
but, i don't know where it will take the both of us.
it might just break our friendship and everything we have now

| morning mayhem |

the memories i can't forget are burnt into my heart .

it's been so long since the last time i felt so protected. it's been so long since the last time i felt special. it's been so long since the last time someone actually saw me in a different light. and one guy did all three things within two days. not that the two days was recent because i didn't want to blog about it so close to the date, so i waited for a while. maybe because i didn't want him to guess that the person i was referring to was him.

a simple gesture could make me feel so protected. a simple embrace made me feel special. a single glance and he saw me as more than just who i portrayed. sick. the immensity of what one person can do. and it doesn't help that somewhere deep down, i do like him as more than just a friend. sick. sick.

but i know that i'm just one of the other many girls in his life. and the memories, they remain with me and me alone to savour and then bask in the pain that follows because of how ignorant he is. how close yet far he is. this pain, i can bear because at least, he won't disappear from my sight for a while.

burnt into my heart.
how you look when you're next to me
protecting me from harm.
how you share with me through whispers
of your past and present.
how you hold me in your arms as if you
never would want to let go.

to my girls, i'll tell you about him soon. but i won't reveal his name.
never, ever will i divulge his name.
never, ever will i speak his name.
not because it's sacred
but secret.