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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Sunday, June 28, 2009

baby i love you
and i never want to let you know

finally, a little time to myself to start like really blogging again. :) i'm actually in the midst of packing my room, but i guess i could do with a little time off from the shifting and throwing and rearranging. been doing it for the past few days amidst my super crazy schedule that, seriously, goes on and on and on. oh, did i mention, i'm actually supposed to be quarantined and goodness knows what other shit. it ends today though, and i'm still feeling fine. so it doesn't really matter because i believe i won't have that super irritating virus thingy that's going around.

tomorrow i'm going for sports camp. not the full 6days, but just about 4days. and then the next 4days i'll be facilitating at LTC held in JBAC. i seriously do not know how i am going to manage it, but i know i will. seriously, this is the last "exciting" thing that i am going to do for like this holidays because i'm going to experience a different kind of excitement when i get back from all the camps - the excitement of RAG! :D i seriously hope that, he will join rag in his faculty/hall this year. then there'll be more chances of him being around in school and stuff like that. it'll make life so much more fun.

went out with DANIA JACOBS yesterday! :D babe, xoxo. i owe you a treat when i get back from the crazy plummet of camps. and we had a great time catching up on each other's lives and stuff like that. one thing that i took away was her telling me "don't be afraid to fall in love with him". i think that i've been playing around with people's hearts for too long that i've forgotten what it means to love. but, he brought back a glimmer of something that is familiar. i actually know that between us, is definitely not love. but i think i might just fall in deep. because of the way he smiles. because of the things he says. because of his gentleness and soft touch. because of the way he holds my hand so tight. because of the way he hugs me to bring him closer to his himself.

honestly, i'm not used to such treatment because my past boyfriends never did, and probably never will match up to the extent of affection that he shows me. i'm not used to being treated so nicely and preciously. i'm not used to being held so tightly that it gives me a sense of security.

but the "relationship" is just so, well. not there. because it's built around things that don't last. i think i don't deserve him and he thinks that he's not good enough for anyone. dear me. i don't know what this whole thing is about but, boy do i know that i want to stay with him by his side for a long time and continuously tell him that he is handsome and worth it. yet, i know there's nothing we both can do about it because of many, many issues that present itself against us, against me. for one, he likes me but doesn't love me. and because i know that, i force myself not to fall in. hahas. weird relationship that we have, definitely.

and so, baby i love you. but i never want to let you know. i want to keep the status quo and thus, i'll stop what i've been doing the past few days. and well, just let something take place somewhere else, if it happens. God, i know he's not for me, but i really do like him.

the next few days will be camp galore. so, i don't think i'll need to be thinking about him because there's just going to be too much on my mind. we'll see how things go and then, yeah. we'll just see how things go.