until we fall in love with them
and that life's a series of snapshots
that you either capture or miss
TODAY'S MEMORY
one last post before the day is out. :) and of course, as promised, it's about today's BBQ with my dearest level6. after tonight, the next time that i'll be seeing most of them is either hmm. actually i don't know. maybe during Beer Fest i'll see a few of them. and definitely on the 9th where we're going to have our chill out session. hahas. but yeah. whatever it is, i'm going to miss them real badly once the holidays start. moving out of hall and back home, so no more nightly trips to level6 anymore because there won't be any level6 for me to go down to.
started the BBQ at about 6pm and it was a blast. thanks to PKK for arranging the food and pit's arrival so that we don't starve, and to Edmund who set up the fire for us. :) started out really slowly, just eating and talking about random stuff, but as the night grew darker, whoa, the conversation topics also grew wilder. hahas. boys will always be boys. :) but that's what i love about my level6, they never really hide anything at all.
really kinda pitied Calvin and HengFai cause they were the butt of many conversations. "on the wings of love" & "alphabravoCHARLIEdeltaecho"/ HAHAS. UNFORGETTABLE! yes, as your level6 rep, it is my duty to love you and take care of your welfare - ensuring that all your neighbours know what's going on. :) HAHAS. but that wasn't all. boys being boys, they talked about topics that cannot be blogged here. hahas. R(A) / R21. but i learnt a few more things from them! funny. :P
the food was good, didn't eat much though cause nowadays a little food makes me really full already. ate instant noodles for lunch today and had to force myself to finish the damn thing cause it was just too much for my stomach to handle. korie says that it's obvious that i haven't been eating much cause i've become a little skinnier. sighs. i do it, just not as much of an appetite as before.
really thanks to all the level6 guys who came down, helped to BBQ, talk crap, eat, and just make the atmosphere so lively. :) i'll miss you'll guys and i'm thinking really hard what to get for you'll as your POP gift. hahas. passing out as a level6er, but once a level6er, always a level6er in my heart.
on another note, i left my phone in my room the whole day. came back with a few messages from people here and there. Xav really made my day cause his conversations are always really interesting and somewhat mentally stimulating. hahas. of course there were other messages that i didn't bother replying - i don't even know if i want to reply. i know what i want and where my stand is - but it seems someone else doesn't? sending me emails from two very different worlds in one day. sorry, but my brain is still processing the first, VERY HURTFUL one. and on one count, you're wrong. the hurt i feel, is the same as the hurt you feel. the hurt i feel wasn't just because you left, but also because time and again, someone i cared for hurt me - but i took the shit and shut up because i didn't want to ruin the relationship. but now, i'm not going to take shit anymore. i'm more than that and i deserve better. if you think someone you cared hurt you, someone i cared for hurt me a thousand times more than i hurt that person. enough said.
sighs. going to bathe and then going down to level6 to get my spirits abit higher. that paragraph above just brought back a lot of pain. what the shit. this is not the way i'm going to let my day end. you go get your thoughts right, friend or not is up to you. and don't reply until you're very sure - because i'm a girl, i forgive and usually forget, but unfortunately for you, all the memories of you are so deeply etched that i rarely forget anything about you - so in future conversations, if you hurt me, i might bring the past back to hurt you. this is not me being cruel or anything, it's just how i am - take it or leave it. i'm not going to stop you from leaving or beg you to stay anymore. your life, your choice. i made mine very clear already - friends for life. so it's up to you. if you're going to do what you did today again, i'm telling you honestly that i'll get quite pissed because you know how f- painful that first email was. sorry to say this, but it's going to take a few more days to get over that f- pain and then the second email will settle in. so if you send a third email, the content won't be in my brain until perhaps 4-5days later. I'M JUST TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. this time, you really went quite overboard - even if it was just you being whoever you are, i still have to right to be sad/pissed/angry, whatever, because you really went too f- far. from the number of vulgarities, you know how much you hurt me cause i never take them out unless it's #1 for fun, or #2 i'm really sad/angry.
and it made me very sad/angry to know that our friendship is something that can be so easily broken. DO YOU F- UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAID IN THE FIRST EMAIL? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE HURT THAT YOU F- BROUGHT TO ME THE WHOLE F- DAY? sometimes i feel that our friendship hangs on your every word because i already said, whatever it is, you'll always be my friend, my BBFF. but it seems that you are the volatile one. when i said you don't understand - i think i was right on this one count. SO TO MAKE IT VERY, EXTREMELY CLEAR - i'm saying it once, and NEVER AGAIN. whatever you turn into, be it a rich successful (insert your dream profession) or a poor beggar, whether you make mistakes that ruin your life, or bring it up, i'll always be your friend. AND THE REST, IS IN YOUR HANDS. i'm not the one being volatile here. i may get angry, irritated, confused at what the shit you are doing - but it doesn't change that friendship. don't you realize that all this time, it's always been you moving this friendship from one extreme to another? you get angry and then threaten not to be friends anymore. you get angry and say the words that you don't want to be my friend anymore. i'm sick and tired of always being the one trying to salvage the relationship. sick and tired of being the one who's always giving and giving, and giving some more. sick and tired of always being the one that begs you to stay - sorry, that's not the real me. and i don't want to be that wuss anymore. you want to go get angry, get angry. it doesn't change anything on my side because i've said it so f- clear that if you don't understand, you really are a fool.
sighs. you go think about it, what you've done and what you've said. what i've done and said, i know very well. and don't always think that you are the one in the right, cause you're not. just, sighs. go think about it. i don't have any extra energy to deal with this situation because of exams and my fundraisers all coming up. get back to me again when you've thought through it. and anyway, i haven't read your second email, so you have even more time to go think. i spelt out the consequences for you already - and i don't promise that i'll never do them because i am only human, just like you and i have the right to get angry, pissed, whatever shit else comes. i've always stopped myself from being angry with you because i thought that love would overcome every f- thing that came up. but apparently i was wrong, it just made me someone who was so easily swayed. and i don't ever want to be that girl again.
whatever. QUELYN GO BATHE AND THEN GO LEVEL6!
