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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009

HAHAS. i really predicted correctly, the person in question really got angry and said that i've hurt him the worst that i've ever had. good for you dear, you finally know what i've been feeling all these years when you didn't understand me. but if that's what you want, i'm fine with it because it's your life and in life, we all make choices. i chose to give you another chance despite all you did and all the hurt that i felt, i chose to bury those feelings and be friends with you, for life. but you made your choice to walk away and leave, just as i always have thought you would - just as two other people told me you would, because the one who's always running away at the critical times, is you not me.

i stood where we left off two years ago and braved a whole load of shit that happened. people called you a jerk, i defended you. people called you a bastard, i defended you. people said i deserved better, i told them that you were the best for me. you know how much criticism i came under, and how much pain it caused? no, you don't - because you were out there living YOUR glorious life, never even once looking back except until recently. but it doesn't matter because you've ran away again.

and i think that i will never be able to understand your definition of love and friendship. love is not trying to make the person change into someone else. everyone has their own "goals" in life - be it fantastical dreams that seem hard to come true, or results that they want to see, or just living life simply like you. but God made us all different and we don't all live the simple life like you. too bad. but i now know why i could never fulfill my potential - it's not because i was "chasing" too many aspirations at a time, God will never give us more than we can handle - but because i was in the mindset that i wanted to live your simple life that stopped me from being who i am.

no, your not a bastard. i'm just a fool who gave up and lost many things in life because i loved you too much. but now, i'm not going to lose anything else because i'm going to live life to its fullest. even if one day i drop dead because i'm doing too many things at one time, at least i know that i've lived life really GLORIOUSLY to its fullest, trying everything that i can and just having a whole load of fun. unlike well, nevermind. that's your life, i won't say anything because God made you that way, or maybe it's just you. whatever.

friendship, that one i really don't understand. everything will fall back into place when we meet again. we don't need to communicate. HAHAS. wonderful - no. i don't understand that kind of friendship. in fact, i will honestly tell you that in that kind of "friendship" there is no relationship at all. because relation/friendship is something that you build upon, maybe not day after day in your case, but maybe week by week - communicating and putting in the effort and time to get to know a person. i vowed to God just the other day that i would put as much time and effort needed to build ALL the relationships in my life, be it friends, family, loved ones - and i'm determined to keep it, no matter how hard it is. your kind of friendship, hahas, only you will understand i guess. if you really want an extreme example - try not communicating with her and see what kind of relationship you'll have. put that in a different context with your friends and family - different people, same result. but you have your own life philosophy, and you don't consider me a friend anymore, so yah, don't need to listen to my words. like rihanna sang, "live you life".


WOOHOO. alright everybody else who reads my blog. :)) hahas. sorry dears, you'll have to put up with all those stuff that i'm typing to someone else. but, this is probably going to be one of the last times, but if you do read, you'll notice that i'm starting to change my outlook in life and i'm starting to apply what i've learnt in church. proud of myself. i really thank God for pastor who did the whole love & relationship series because it made me see which relationships are worth keeping and which relationships aren't.

if you've noticed, i've put down a countdown timer to my BIRTHDAY! :)) right, it's quite sad also cause my age is officially starting with a "2" this coming year. sighs. but with the 2months, 2weeks plus left, i'm going to create memories every single day - even if the memory is an exam. :P although it's less than 2weeks to my exams, it's not going to stop me from creating something special everyday. heee.

TODAY'S MEMORY - BBQ with Level6. :)) it's later tonight, so i'll update again.