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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Thursday, March 12, 2009

Someone's Watching Over Me- Hilary Duff

i found myself today
oh i found myself and ran away
something pulled me back
voice of reason i forgot i had
all i know is you're not here to say
what you always used to say
but it's written in the sky tonight

so i won't give up
no i won't break down
sooner than it seems life turns around
and i will be strong
even if it all goes wrong
when i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe
someone's watching over me

seen that ray of light
and it's shining on my destiny
shining all the time
and i wont be afraid
to follow everywhere it's taking me
all i know is yesterday is gone
and right now i belong
to this moment to my dreams

it doesn't matter what people say
it doesn't matter how long it takes
believe in yourself and you'll fly high
and it only matters how true you are
be true to yourself and follow your heart


i'll believe that you are the one watching over me
even though your eyes are on her..


i'm afraid of sleeping. not just because of the strength of the medicine that i take, but also because when i sleep the past few days, i dream - and then i wake up crying. no matter how strong i am on the outside, the inside of me is still so fragile. today Qiao said something that hit me quite hard. she said "ever since he left, you've been quite confused." i wouldn't say confused is the word. if so, then i've always been. i would say that i'm being more honest. this year especially, i'm being honest because i have to - honest to myself, to my closest friends, to the people who need to know. and i honestly don't like it because i'm not comfortable with this kind of plain honesty because it makes me vulnerable.

but i at the same time i feel liberated. keeping feelings in is a hard thing to do. but letting them out has it consequences. and at this moment of time, i'm thinking of lying to myself again. but i ask, do i really want to do that to myself and live that life again? honestly, no. i told D. the other day that i partied away more than a year and a half of my life and D. simply said "find it back". but i ask myself, find what? time - is long gone and can never come back. emotions - were sad, emotional and depressing. hah. no way i want those negative emotions back again. this year i've decided to get my life on track - and i'm determined to do it.

i believe i can.