on a side note, i feel loved today
because i saw someone's msg EVERYWHERE! :D
love you too. ♥
you know who you are. hee.

and on another note, everyone who's liked me in the last year or so popped out today! i finally know who 30rose guys is. this friend from a module i took last semester fessed up to it. and then someone else whom i was guessing liked me told me today too. guess what - TODAY IS WHITE VALENTINES'. is that why i'm finding out today? or maybe it was just a coincidence. :P but even though all of you are not going to be my boys anytime soon (really, don't think about it, it honestly won't work out), i still feel loved! ♥

but on another note, it feels too real to be true.
and i'm afraid, so afraid of losing you - the one who matters.

dearest you:
this probably comes as no surprise to you, but i'm thinking of you more than i should too (and yes, i was surprised when i read that line in your "letter"). not just because i still think about the you of the past, but also because my feelings grew stronger and even more resolute when i saw you again - because of the changes that i saw in you (but then again i question, did you become who you are because of her?).

i know you'd think about me, because afterall, we have a past, and i'm hoping that maybe we'll have a future. but more importantly, we have a present that i want to treasure, right here, right now. knowing you for so long, i know the kind of girl that you like. unfortunately for you, i'm only half of that "perfect" girl. unfortunately for me, i'm unconsciously working on that other half that i do not live up to right now. i don't like that part of me right now because i believe that i shouldn't change because of anyone. i am who i am, and i want the person whom i spend my life with to love me as i am. but the other 90% of my brain doesn't work in that way - it thinks of you more than me.

boy, i'll honestly tell you, it takes a lot of time, effort and ultimately sacrifice to take that initiative (i'd like to say more, but i don't want to compare, it's not my place to say anything more). i did it then, and i still do it almost three years later, no matter how busy life gets, how packed my schedule is, or how many more things i have to settle - cause i love you, and many times, even though you don't know, and even though it didn't seem like it when you were here, you always come first. but it has changed over the years because i've learnt to be less suffocating, i've learnt to give you your own space. however, i've never learnt to stop sacrificing and giving - you are my weakness, in a good way.

but right here, right now, i'm not expecting anything in return
because i just want to cherish the now.
because i know it's not my place.

i just want to thank you for your honesty. and for reading my long, long reply letter. and for thinking of and missing me - it really means a lot to me, no matter how small these thoughts are. it's nice knowing that i'm missed when i'm feeling alone and thinking of you. i know what i'm waiting for is perhaps a faraway dream, but as i said, what's precious to me is the present. the future will unfold itself in due course. :) but no matter what it is, i too won't lose you, and will never let you go. for the rest of my life, you'll be a part of it - someway, somehow. ^^

and don't put yourself down - i love you just the way you are, the good and the bad. being happy with the one that i love doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it just means that i've decided to look deeper beyond those imperfections, accepting and loving the imperfect you as much as i love the perfect side of you.

goodnight.
love, me.

p.s. read this letter well! hahas. my hand is in pain after writing it. :P but i'm going to sleep already, so i won't feel it that much.

p.s.s. i've got clearance to go to aussieland for holidays at the end of the year! but, :( i have to work super hard now cause no one's financing my trip. hee.

p.s.s.s. three weeks have flown by so quickly. how are you doing down under? coping with school? are you still working? been really busy i guess.
i miss "hearing" your voice even though you just wrote a damn long letter.i miss your smile too, and that sparkle in your eyes, and your unique smell.
basically, i just miss all of you. :)