honestly, there's a part of me that doesn't want to walk into that grey area between us. not just because it's dangerous, but also because i know that it's wrong - and more importantly, i'll probably be there alone. but the other part of me has long stepped into that area because i cannot help myself. the temptation is too much to bear. the emotions too strong for logic to overcome. i know that there are people watching me, knowing i want to spend my life with you and then telling me not too walk too deep in. maybe because they are watching from a third person point of view, they know that the outcome may not be what i want, because there's another her in the picture. but precisely because they are looking from a third person's point of view that they cannot see the emotions and connections between us.

and no matter how strong or weak those connections are, i'll do my darnest to make sure that they stay there, to keep them alive until the day i die, or the day i give up, whichever comes earlier. but giving up, is definitely not an option in the near future, as far as i can see. honestly, there are days where i do feel tired because i know that it's going to be a long "fight" - but because i remind myself that you're worth it, no matter what you think about yourself, no matter what anyone else says. those are my weak days. and my strong days are when you make me feel it's really all worth it - even though you're doing and saying things as, a friend. a close friend. an extremely close friend. hahas. i have no words to express what kind of friend you are to me. words just fail me here.

but randomly, if you drink wine, the 1999 Chateau Palmer will best describe the feelings that i have. maybe one day we'll drink it and you'll understand. or maybe you won't. maybe i'll explain it to you. and then, maybe i won't. it doesn't matter right now though, cause i'm talking about the future.



just finished our block's STJ, and i had quite a lot of fun. :) was said to be "Favourite Junior" twice by my dearest Winson & MingFeng. hahas. THANK YOU! now that i'm your favourite, will you buy me ice-cream more often? :P lols. but yeaps, had fun playing some old games that they used to play in the past. and the food was really good! esp. the curry - it was really awesome. and although it was really late to be eating such things, i did have my fair share of food. bleah. need to run more tomorrow. AND WE DIDN'T FILM TODAY! hahas. damn relieved. cause i'm not really in the mood to film today. my brain's just totally not working. i think i'm just being moody today.

and i realized that the sky tonight was really beautiful cause i could see the stars so clearly. :) spotted Orion. and many many other bright stars too. lols. but andy said that it's only because it was a clear, cloudless night. i hope that when you're here, it'll be cloudless every night. then maybe we can do a bit of stargazing. or maybe not cause you'll be too tired from all the walking that you do during the day. sighs. but i'm still glad i saw stars tonight. :D reminds me of the time i was in thailand in 2006, doing sentry duty during the camp for the upper primary school kids. so many shooting stars and even more stars. so many wishes that i made. but they mostly revolved around :) you.

ahh. going to sleep already. need to wake up early for classes. sighs. CAN I NOT GO TO SCHOOL? stupid question - cause i got no such luck. :P school's my life till the end of semester. sighs again. hahas. good night, and yes, sweet dreams. :)