what am i doing blogging at this hour? yeah. skipped lecture to finish up hall stuff so that i can go out with BBFF tonight. the sky's threatening to rain, so my brain is now running at 100miles perhour to think up of a contingency plan to what i wanted to do with BBFF tonight. but i still have to blog. so many feelings running in my brain, in my heart. but i cannot say them directly to him.

when i saw him standing on the streets, even though i was on the phone, i suddenly saw myself at the airport again. two years changes much, but maybe not everything. i remember his friends, his parents. i remember the people that i knew and i recalled the people that i didn't know. suddenly that whole street was filled with people saying goodbye. and i didn't tell him. but i almost broke down there and then even though i sounded happy.

getting accustomed to his presence made me realize how blessed i was when he was with me. it hurt, it scarred. but i don't deny that i loved and felt loved by the person who made me see past many things, who gave me a new perspective in life and of life. these two years, it was what he said that got me through many obstacles and difficulties. every time he said those words that mattered, i felt very hurt. not because he was interfering with my life but because i missed him terribly. but my defence mechanism was to hurt him back.

suddenly, i feel so dumb for doing that. hurting him, isn't it the same as hurting myself?

having him around brought back a lot of happy memories and i'm glad that i have this time with him. now, i feel blessed and happy, just to be able to spend time with him. so many things i want to tell him. so many things i want to do for him. but so little time to express everything that i want to. i'm glad that we shared what we did, because to honestly tell you, BBFF, i've been waiting for this day for 2years. there's no one i'd rather belong to. even though i know that you're not mine anymore, and that you don't love me in that way anymore, i'm just glad to have you around.