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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Sunday, February 15, 2009

"And I worship you Lord
my life in You restored"


i'm watching sunday morning service online because i'm feeling very sick now. but the moment that line was sung, i started crying. i hate myself like this. crying at everything that touches my heart. crying at everything that hurts. i don't want to cry, but i couldn't help it. being strong for too long is tiring. i want someone to lean on.

been throwing up since i woke up at 7am because i screwed myself over yesterday night. losing myself to my emotions, finally after i don't know how long of suppressing everything that bothered me. yesterday i just let myself get totally drunk. my first, and last experience in that way. i swear. but the experience was so surreal and i'm glad it happened. now i know why people will pay money to get themselves wasted. the feeling there and then is one of total nothingness. you forget everything for that respite of time. and you don't feel anything at all. still conscious, yet unconscious.

BUT I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. I SWEAR.
cause the aftermath is just totally crazy.
i won't be eating anything today i guess.
stomach's just totally rebelling.

someone find my hurt and heal it please.
and God, where are You?
:(