finally, i have time to make a full and complete post. :)

so many things to update and i'm so afraid that i'll miss out some exciting thing that happened during the past week. what's most recent on my mind is the past two days of iChoose. and the conversation i just had with my brother about bicycles. oh, and the cryptic blog post before this one.

this week, i made memories.
and i'll never forget.

yupp, definitely a lot of them to last a lifetime. since it'll take a lifetime to return what you want to her, i made sure that i made enough memories in the week to last me a lifetime. i think enough said - i don't want to dwell on it too much because i already promised that i would try to see you just as a friend and nothing more. obviously, that will not always happen, but i will do my darnest to fulfill my promise - even though deep inside, i still want you to be with me. HAH.

i skipped lectures and tutorials the last two weeks because i wanted to spend more time with him, despite his & my crazily busy schedule. i cleared some days for him when i was planning my timetable, but at the end i still had to skip classes cause the days that i cleared was taken up by other people. sighs. but it's ok. loved the time at monster and carrefour with you. and seriously, i have not played pool for about a year and a half plus plus. but the next time we play, i'll trash you. :D or at least i'll try to. lols.

and i miss the mealtimes with you cause when you're not around, i go back to my old eating habits of no breakfast, heavy lunch and no dinner. and yes, the rare supper here and there. i miss you being around, and most of all your nagging. although nobody likes being nagged at, i like it when you do it cause it's one of the ways i can feel that you care for me. NAG AT ME MORE OFTEN OK. :D and it's not that i don't listen to you. it's just that sometimes so many things happen at the same time and there are so many things that you tell me. but i don't always have the time to process and execute what you have suggested. but i will try as much as possible.

going to the airport yesterday to send him off was one of the most stressful journeys that i made. a full day of training, church service, dance practice and then flying down to the airport in time to catch him before he checked-in. totally got a scolding from josh when i went back, but it was worth it. (he was super pissed cause beside not appearing for practice the last two weeks, i literally ran out of the dance studio screaming "i'll explain when i come back". hahas. didn't even change out of my costume and was wearing some silly black and white get-up.)

yeap. it was definitely worth it. seeing him off and not crying was one of the biggest challenges that i faced. because i know that once he leaves, i don't know when's the next time he's going to be back. and i don't know when's the next time i'll get an email from him or the next time i'll see him on msn. basically, i don't know when i'll have contact with him. he's busy with his studies, home, work and of course, his priority is her. i'll probably be one of the last things on his mind - I GUESS. correct me if i'm wrong BBFF. :D



this week, i made choices.
and i will stay committed.

OMG. i just totally don't know where to start. from life to love to what i'm going to do and what i'm inspired to do, i made so many different choices this week. so many that, i think i might leave somethings out. BBFF once said to me that he was inspired by the amount of things that i do and the way i used my time. i'm honored and i thank you BBFF. :D but after he said that i made a choice. a choice to inspire my siblings that way too. being the eldest, i always have the power to inspire the younger ones because i am their role model. but lately because i've been living in hall, i haven't been using my life as an inspiration to them. if i can use my life to motivate them to reach out for their goals, i would have done what i was born to do.

another choice i made was during the training yesterday - that i would connect with my parents, no matter how hard it is. my daddy is ALWAYS MIA. and my mummy is always so strict and formal. because of the way they are, i always have a lot of freedom to do what i want to and spend my time however i want to. but i miss, and in fact, i want something that vaguely resembles family time. yes, i'm not as superwoman-ish as i seem to be. if even superman needed dreams, superwoman still needs family. so i'll try to "spend" more time with them by calling them especially when they are away so often.

of course, the biggest choice i made this weekend was to be committed to be a mentor in PVC2. it's not going to be an easy three month journey because i'll be sacrificing a lot to mentor in this project. i won't be able to have as much time together with my friends as i like. i won't be able to study as much i'd like. i won't have as much leisure time for myself as i'd like. really, the sacrifice is just so great. plus, my own self-doubt. yesterday during training, i was having so much trouble because i couldn't believe in myself. i didn't find a concrete reason to be sitting there, on a saturday morning when i could have spent a bit more time with him, when i could be with N415, when i could be dancing. but, i've found my reason already.

PVC2 is important to me because it is my challenge for 2009. i am not just going to be passionate about inspiring and impacting the lives of the 10kids who will be with me. i will change my own life and beliefs about who i am and what i can do. it's about rediscovering my life, stepping back into reality and learning to overcome my own emotions. it's also about letting go and trusting people again. PVC2 is important not just because it's for charity, but also it's because i get to be a part of that learning and changing process that the kids will go through, and that i myself will go through.

in three months time, nothing's going to be the same ever again.

in summary, iChoose to...
#1 listen to what BBFF says and take action
#2 use my life as an example to inspire my siblings & others
#3 spend more time with my parents
#4 commit to PVC2 wholeheartedly for the next three months