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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008

this week is on hell of a soul-searching week. prompted by what yh said and by the fact that it's the end of the year, i thought i better do something to straighten out everything before the new year. another approximately 35hours to the new year. in the last 35 hours, i'm going to be busy with hall stuff. in the last 24hours i'm going to be busy calling sponsors for the event that we have coming up soon. and for the last 12hours, i'll be working at the bar, ending what began as a part time job that became a full time love affair. wow. but i'm still going to be lonely because i'm not spending time with family, nor friends, nor enemies. i know that i'll be spending the first few hours of Jan1 working. then drinking my favourite beer at BoatQ or some other place where i can see the sunrise - by myself mostly. because 2009 is going to be a year of straightening out all my wrongs. learning to be at peace with God, myself and others. learning what it really means to be Miss Independent. learning what it really means to stop being a playgirl.

#1 excuse for year 2008: "they're putting too many expectations on me!"

yupp. and it's true. i have to be the perfect daughter, the perfect girl, the perfect sister, the perfect student, the perfect this and that and whatever else i can be perfect at. you know what, I'M FREAKIN NOT PERFECT! NO ONE IS! SO GET THAT IN YOUR BRAIN AND MAKE SURE IT PROCESSES! stop expecting me to do the impossible. all of you who are expecting me to be perfect, why not YOU be perfect first, then you come and tell me to be your perfect whatever. why do you put your expectations on me. your time is OVER! you didn't fulfill your dreams, don't put them on me. i have my own dreams to fulfill, so GET A LIFE! i have mine to live. in 2009, i'm going after what i want. no more of what you want. if you have an unfulfilled dreams, FULFILL THEM YOURSELF!

#1 wrongdoing for year 2008: being a playgirl

yes, this might come as a surprise to almost 90% of people because this side of me only comes out during certain times of the day and at certain periods of the year. this is not something new because i've been at it for slightly more than a year. it was my revenge. because a certain boy hurt me 2years ago, i cried till i was tired and decided that i would cry no more. instead, i'd put my pain on every single guy who dared cross my path. obviously all of them were strangers because i don't touch the guy friends around me. i admit that being a playgirl was fun. boys were toys and nothing more. because i felt that i was toyed with before, i did the same thing to the rest of the boys who came my way. i applaud all of them for their courage, but now i also say sorry for breaking your hearts. i realized that this joy was temporal because every time i broke a heart, it would come back three times more to me later and then i'd have to break more hearts to stop the pain. i'm not heartless even though i pretend to be. but in 2009, i'm not playing anymore. for one, i don't want to be a bad girl anymore. two, i think i fell in love with someone i was playing with. three, he broke my heart cause he knew i was playing with him and yet he still let me. four, it broke my heart again to know that i hurt someone that i liked. the same old shit happens. i always hurt the boys that i love, intentionally, or unintentionally. BUT IT'S FREAKIN NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. i don't want to go through the pain again. twice, is more than enough.

#1 blessing of year 2008: God!

enough said. it's self-explanatory. :D

#1 conflict of year 2008: ironically, with God

for the whole year i was searching for Him, but i didn't find Him. it fell into a love-hate relationship because i knew that He was blessing me continuously, like hall fees and school fees being covered by my aunt and people around me blessing me when i'm in need and the things around me going as smoothly as they can go. because i knew He was there but couldn't find Him nor feel Him, i started to grow distant. then i realized that i was being a bad girl and started feeling worthless. korie tried to help by telling me stuff, but it didn't really work because i didn't understand how things were working. thank God for the message on Sunday. now the #1 conflict has become the #1 blessing.

#1 best thing that happened in 2008: doing many firsts!

first time i had a job, first time i sang live to an audience, first time i went to auditions, first time i bartended, first time i stepped into Uni life, first time i got a CAP, first time i stayed in hall, first time i did so many CCAs at one time, first time i went to 5camps in 1month!, first time i looked after a whole level of guys, first time i danced like there's no tomorrow, first time i ran a marathon, first time i ran 2 TWO 10k marathons within a month, first time i got water baptized, first time i felt like i belonged, first time i called sponsors, first time i joined Rag, first time i had so much fun collecting donations during flag because i was with my Raggers. OMG. the list can go on, but my hands are already tired from typing so much!

#1 pasttime of 2008: SHOPPING!

i cannot tell you how much i shopped this year and how many new clothes and shoes i bought. hahas. i'd take pictures of all of them, but i can't cause there's just so many. i almost threw out my whole old wardrobe because there was no space for my new clothes! (and i have TWO wardrobes! can you imagine how many clothes that is!)

hahas. well. i can't think of anything else right now. :D
see ya'll soon.
maybe in 2009!
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