have i really found my calling? i'm telling you honestly, i don't know. all i know is that i'm gifted in that area. i feel that there's a lot more that i can do then whatever i am thinking of right now. but i just don't know what it is i have to do. someone once told me that i'll be a woman of faith. another great preacher also prophesied almost the same thing. twice in my life, the same thing has been said. but i'm not reaching that epitome of where i have to be.
and i know why, it's because i cannot trust. looking at my parents, looking at some relationships in my life, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TRUST AGAIN? sure, there are people in my life that i trust. but i know that i have to get out of the cycle that i'm in now. i have to stop finding substitute flings. i have to stop, and strip my bad girl image - something that not many people know of, but many have seen. i have to cut down on being a party animal.
you are not supposed to read the following.and i realize that all these happened after i broke up with yh. it's such a sick, tragic cycle. i thought i had let go already. he moved on way before me. but i feel that i'm not moving on totally because, there wasn't any closure - and that is something that i cannot ask for now because, it's way past that period. but i know that i have many questions. i knew certain things were happening, esp. after watching some concerts and hearing somethings, reading somethings. i kept wondering if i was loyal to someone who... shucks. why am i putting myself through this again. i should just stop thinking about it right? in all honesty, i want to treat him as another one of my best friends, like how korie keeps good relations with his exs. but somehow, i don't know if it's possible for me because he's already taken a space inside and i feel that i'll never genuinely see him as a friend. instead, i'll keep thinking of him as a bf. and that is something very, very, very dangerous for me.
now. i'm confused. but, i have the answer to all of the above. they're given by God. it's just that, i'm not being obedient.
GOD, HELP ME.
i am inadequate on my own.
i'll never find the right guy
if i keep having this mindset.
i'll never be able to fulfill my destiny
if my mind is on other things.
bring me back to where You are Lord.
Quelyn, keep telling yourself...
old things have passed.
old things have passed.
old things have passed.
you are a new being.
you are a new being.
you are a new being.
Christ-centered.
Christ-centered.
Christ-centered.
remember.
remember.
remember.
Rebekkah.
Rebekkah.
Rebekkah.
binded.
binded.
binded.
loved.
loved.
loved.
...
..
.
