many people don't know, but i almost became a cellist for the Mayflower Symphonic Band. but i didn't, because i wanted to pursue another passion. i wanted to become a drummer in the Chinese Orchestra. but that didn't come to pass either. the conductor of the band came looking for me. the teacher-in-charge of the band came looking for me. but i turned down both their offers because i wanted to be a drummer for the CO. but the CO didn't want be as a drummer, they wanted be to be their bassist. but i had enough of string instruments, and i ended up joining everything cultural other than the CO and SB.
it so happened that i went into the drama club and acted in Mayflower's inaugural movie, became their vice-president, wrote their SYF script and became a key player in the CCA. then by chance, i went on the JEP - Japan Exchange Program. rediscovered my love and passion for music and joined the choir, giving up the chance to become the drama club's president. became a soprano and spent almost two meaningful years in the choir. but when i went to JC, i put down all my musical passions and joined the Student Council. now in Uni, not only do i still take up leadership positions, but i'm also honing my sports skills. what a weird turn of events.
i was thinking, what if i had been in Mayflower's SB, would i have continued on to join Nanyang's SB? would they have needed a cellist? i wouldn't know because my focus was always on the percussion section while i was in NY. would i have changed my CCA to SC if i had been in the band in secondary school? would i have met the people i met? would i still have fallen in love with the person i fell in love with? would i have made the same number of happy memories that i made?
if i had been in the SB in Mayflower, i would have continued in NY. i wouldn't have run for SC. i probably wouldn't have fallen in love with my ex who was a percussionist. i probably wouldn't have made as many memories as i did with the SC. i probably would have been closer to 0602.
but then, i wouldn't have learnt the lessons on leadership that i got in the SC. i wouldn't have opportunities to lead and serve the school in LTC. i wouldn't have learnt the lessons in love and life that i was supposed to learn through yh. i wouldn't have found my 29SC family. i wouldn't have backslided because i would not have been in a relationship. but then, i also wouldn't have met korie who would bring me back to Christ. i wouldn't have entered CHC and fallen in love with it. and i wouldn't have found my N415 family.
what would i be doing now if i had taken that offer to be a cellist so many years ago? i probably would have fallen in love with a violinist. i probably would have joined the SNYO. i probably would still be in my old church. i probably wouldn't have gone through the pain of loving someone too much. i probably wouldn't have grown up. i probably wouldn't be going through what i am going through now. my future would have been very different.
but i also wouldn't have found my calling in life.
all this while, i have been thinking of going back to music where i first started off. maybe if i did, i would have another avenue of stress relief from the things that are happening now. but at this point of time, i cannot afford such a luxury. i cannot go back to music because of what is happening in my family. not just now. but i believe in the future, i will be able to go back to music if God allows me to, because it is one of my greatest desires that i have kept hidden and forgotten all this while.
what i have blogged today, is something that my ex, my korie, and even my best friends don't know. honestly, quelyn is a mystery. there are so many surprises about her that you wouldn't know where her talent begins and ends. she's blessed by God with so many things. but she just doesn't know where to use them. she wasted some of them already, but she wants to get them back.
to my best gal pals, you probably didn't know about this, sorry for not telling you gals, but it just really slipped my mind because i'm always busy doing other things. but i want to tell you that, i promise to spend even more time with all of you because i know that recently, i've been neglecting all of you. but, quelyn still lovesya gals. :D
to yh, honestly, i don't know what to say to you. i told you before about somethings my family was going through, but i didn't know if you were listening. but whatever i said was true. it's up to you whether you believe it or not. but as a friend, you are entitled to think what you wish to.
korie, and to all my other bros younger and older, bet you didn't know that your mei is so talented! maybe one day i'll play for all of you to hear at a concert. maybe, just maybe.
to my parents, you never supported me in any of my dreams. and i don't expect you to do so even after this because i know what you want me to do. i will fulfill all of your expectations, but i want you to know that you cannot confine me in this boring, meaningless path that you have paved because i know that there's more to me than what you think i should do.
there are so many "what ifs" that are running through my mind. maybe another day i'll blog about another "what if" that i'm thinking about. but for now, i just want to say that i don't regret taking the path that i have trodden because it has been a meaningful one. because it has been one that led me back to my first love, God. and i know that He will one day allow me to pursue my second love, music - when the time comes. in what way and what form, i don't know. but i do know that what i have to do now is trust in Him and grown in Him and rebuild what i have lost.
SC1101E Sociology Paper TMR!
pray for me, cause i think i'll really need the prayers.
