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THE BLOG! :) obviously, but also to a world of wonders and mysteries
that are to be unraveled because that's precisely what SHE (or rather
me,) is all about. if you know me, welcome to another side of me.
but if you don't know me, it's okay. i still welcome you into a world of me
and what happens. i'm not anywhere near perfect, but here is where
i share my experiences and learnings. hope you'll be blessed reading
my entries!
LOVE YOU!
Friday, October 31, 2008

to you:

even though i LIKED that person for 5years, it doesn't mean i didn't LOVE you.
only you know what i was willing to give you. 
and i would never have done those things if there wasn't any love for you

only you would know how much pain it brought me to leave you then
or, i don't know, maybe you thought that it was my fault that everything happened
even so, i wasn't crying almost everyday for half a year for nothing

it took me almost 8months to get over someone who wasn't even in sight
and that was because i loved you and couldn't be with you
if i didn't love a person, i don't think i would cry that freaking much

and honestly, till this day
i don't even know if i'm totally over you

but at the end of the day, think what you want i guess. 
if you doubt that i loved you then
i don't want to say anything either because it just goes to show 
how much you understood about me then. 

and if you didn't understand me then, hah. 
the old me would cry an ocean because i loved you so much then. 
the new me, will just ask that you forgive me for only giving you 99% of my heart then 
and then ask you if we can still be friends

that's all i have to say.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

i guess that's all that is on my mind right now. i didn't think that giving up on liking someone would have offended someone i used to love. somehow i have a feeling that as usual, whatever i wrote was read halfway, misinterpreted and well, you know what the results are in a miscommunication. and i think that was the biggest problem that we had because i like communicating in a non-verbal way. to me, my actions are louder than what i say or what i write. damn. i wouldn't spend hours folding random things like stars and birds and little notes for nothing. i wouldn't spend hours in the library staring at someone i didn't love. 

but i guess everyone has different love languages and some people don't understand certain love languages. i myself would say that i don't understand all the love languages either. but that's what makes love so much more fun and challenging and exciting. but you have to get a partner who is willing to look past all your stupid little flaws and not try to change you to be someone else, and who is also willing to explore different ways of love. 

but i guess that after tomorrow, this will be my last "escapade" with love, or anything similar to that. till today, i can honestly say that, i don't even know if i've really gotten over my ex-bf. i occasionally wish that i was still his gf. and i occasionally wish that he would bring me around his hometown and show me all the romantic little spots where we could spend time together. but those are just my stupid little day dreams because, i don't think he will do those kind of things.

silly little mind of mine, thinking about being loved even more. but not anymore. i have to start running towards my dream and that was the reason for the "invisible" post. for at least then next 7years, there's only going to be boys who are friends, and no more boyfriends. boyfriends are like stumbling blocks to a girls dreams and ambitions. when i reach the top, then i'll look for a life partner. there are things that have to come first, sacrifices to be made. but only then can you be who you want to be.