i'm also putting you aside because it's very tiring to be loving someone and knowing that in his heart and mind, he is actually thinking of someone else. i've loved you even before you knew it and even though you had x number of girlfriends in the past, i still loved you though you loved them. but i realize that it's not meant to be this way. love, isn't like this. when love is one-sided, it's not called love, it's called, obsession, of the right kind. but i don't want to feel the pain that this kind of love brings. to see you holding another girl, to see you having only eyes for that other girl, seeing you take care of her every time we go out together. that kind of pain, is something that i don't want anymore. it's not that i'm not willing to go through it, but it's just me who cannot take it anymore.
five years - that's how long i've loved you. it's a wonder that you still don't know. i personally am not sure how i could have hidden it from you so well. there were at least four or five times that i wanted to confess to you. but i stopped myself because i didn't want to risk rejection, and more importantly, our friendship. through these five years, i've had my fair share of boyfriends. i swear that i loved them with almost all my heart, but you were still living in there, all the time.
it's not that you don't love me. i know you do. but just not in the way that i am hoping it goes. i know you treat me like a little kid who doesn't know anything. but that's because i really don't know. i know you treat me like a little girl because on many occasions, you had to send me home. and on those occasions, i dreamt that you were my boyfriend, taking me home after a long date. but i've decided to stop lying to myself. i know you love me like a little sister because that's what many people tell me. i know i'm still precious to you in someway because you call me by that name.
but i really don't want to live in the lies that i'm telling myself about you. honestly, if you ask me, i know all your little quirks and eccentricities. your bad habits, your good characteristics. i know them like the back of my own hand. but what i lie to myself about is that you care for me more than a friend, more than a sister. and that's what i'm going to stop. i don't want to lie to myself anymore because i feel as if i'm sinning against myself.
five years, and i conclude it by saying for the last time, i love you.
five years, i conclude it by telling you that, you will always be someone i trust.
five years, i conclude that you will never know how much i've loved you.
five years, i conclude that you will be my best friend for life.
next time, i hope that we will be able to find each other.
or, our destined soulmates.
