and so i went for my GeYao auditions yesterday and i kinda screwed it up really badly because of various reasons. actually the moment i stepped into the room my mind went "ohno!" because i saw this guy whom i always felt nervous around sitting there at the front most position if there's such a thing. and i totally freaked. when i was filling in my particulars, seriously, i almost couldn't write my own name. this was the first singing audition in my life and in chinese too. i totally don't understand. if i could sing in front of like 700plus people in Japan, to strangers in the bar, why couldn't i sing in a room with less than 10people. during the auditions, i screwed up by forgetting my lyrics. the people in the room were nice enough to feed me the lines when i totally forgot them.
but the moment i walked out of the room, i totally got angry and sad with myself at the same time. really thank Joy for answering the phone like almost immediately when i called her. and Keith, i'm really sorry, i hope i didn't scare you, and thanks for the sms this morning. it really helped. =) yah, i cried like crap yesterday night. i tried not to, really i did. but at least there was Joy and Keith.
i realized later on that i actually put myself down alot of the time. i don't know why and i can't figure out why either. maybe it's because i don't have enough faith. maybe it's because i don't have enough confidence. but whatever it is, God, teach me to understand that i'll always be good enough because i'm already Yours.