when i started my long fast, i did so out of whatever faith i had in me.
disappointment, in myself for not being faithful enough to accept the things of God. for not being strong enough to prove myself worthy to be a warrior of God. for not listening enough to be a child of God. i hope that at camp, i'll have an experience powerful enough to change all my views and give me even more strength and hope.
on another note, it's going to be weird going to camp. this will be the first time in almost two years that i will be going to a church camp. and the last about 10 church camps that i went to, i was in the organizing committee. and i suddenly see how much i've regressed in my walk with God. from being a servant in those days to being nothing right now. i want to start serving again, but i'm apprehensive. i don't know where to start or where to serve although i have a few choices in mind. but i'm still praying about it.
prayer, i realize, has been my source of comfort during the past few trying days. i don't know why, although i cannot totally see God's plan, i feel that i've changed. last week, i was telling k2 that i feel like disappearing again, but i've held on until now. prayer - it gives me strength, but not enough. i hate it when things contradict. i hope that things go back to normal soon.
when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
especially when the have God on their side!
