just went through my USP interview yesterday and i think tha tit was quite a challenge cause i'm in the midst of a throat infection. quite sad cause i can't sing, i sound funny, and i can't talk much. but more about that another time. the most important thing i want to blog about today is about my USP interview.

to me, it was quite tough and in the flesh, i personally feel that my chances of getting in are slim. HOWEVER, i am believing that by Daddy God's mercy, grace and power, I AM ACCEPTED INTO NUS's USP. i always hear people say that you are what you believe you are and the Bible says that by confessing with my mouth, it will come to pass. yes, you hear me, QUELYN IS A UNIVERSITY SCHOLAR! rar. hehes. and i know this is true because God grants the desires of my heart. <3

but i think the most important thing that i got out of the interview is the revelation of defending my faith. really. i have no idea how the interview turned out that way, but the moment i started speaking, all i talked about were things related to Church and the Bible and my belief in God. argh. this is something that i'm really really weak in because i think that personally, i haven't been giving God a lot of my time. but out of the blue, the interview turned into a "defend my faith" session. alot of things that i said were not exactly to my advantage, but the interviewers found me and my ideas "interesting" (i hope that's a plus point for me).

they were talking about things like spiritual revelation (Bible) versus natural revelation (personal experience) and to me, these two things are the same because they come by faith. but to the interviewers, they are two different things because the Bible = literature and personal experience = physical evidence. and in research, literature and physical evidence are really two different things. honestly, i could have just argued my way through, but i chose to defend my faith. but i realized that i didn't really know how to.

but i guess the most important thing is that i defended my faith even though it meant that i cut my chances of getting into the program that i wanted to be in. but after much afterthought, i know that what i did was right because with God, nothing can ever go wrong.

but this also revealed that i haven't been spending enough time waiting on the Lord and just listening to Him. somethings that i have been doing are wrong. i'm more like Martha. but now, i have to be more like Mary.

i've been working at the bar/divan for coming two months now and it seems like a really short time has just passed. but i find myself loving the job even more and more. even though the hours are long and late, but the company is always great. and even though the environment is mostly smoky, the people i meet are really one of a kind. from CEOs of huge MNCs and local companies, to DJs of MediaCorp and MOS and even popular artistes like fiona xie and felicia chin. they are all part of my clientele and have opened my eyes to many other worlds besides mine. and i've learned so much more than i could ever learn in my admin job or even in school.

to be in the world but not of the world.
that is definitely one of my greatest learning points because a lot of the time, i find myself feeling like Daniel of the Bible. to speak their language and eat their food, drink their drinks. to understand them the way they are and to be like one of them. but at the same time, loving God and serving Him wholeheartedly. the Cultural Mandate? i don't know if that's what i'm fulfilling. but i do know that i found this job for a reason, though i don't know what it is yet. and i'll be very sad when the time comes for me to leave this job and start a new chapter in university.

想了好久好久 到此刻我才终于发现我社怎么样的人
好多人说我孩子气 又有些说我自闭 也有人说我是骄傲的
幼稚 孤傲 宠坏 自大 自恋 活泼 放肆
我，完完整整是个矛盾 是个谜

温柔，安静的孩子，安静温暖的笑
对好多事情，置身事外的看着
像个天使，或者那天边的月光，但都不属于人间

但，我也存在着野心，希望得到自己力所能及的一切
不择手段，冷酷铁血，我什么都要
真的对自己很好，活得很痛快淋漓
有着极度的温柔和自私，却真的，让人讨厌不起来

我是爱、也是恨
我是温柔、也是冷酷
为别人想、为自己想
我本身就是一种矛盾

温柔是真，野心也是真，也许我这样的人出于的高空，更接近天堂？

sometimes i wonder if God wired me up a little wrongly because i feel that i'm an extremely extreme and ironic person. i love the opposites in my life and i'm contradictory most of the time. or maybe it's just me. between silence and noise, i choose to have both. between love and hate, i choose to feel both. between joy and sadness, i choose to live both. the only one thing that is always constant in my life is God. He's the only one that i never have to contradict myself about, and He's the only one that i love but never hate. weird? freaky? i don't know. but back to the romance, i don't know why, so many daydreams enter my mind these past few days, but i never see the face of my prince. maybe i should be an author...

have you ever heard about Satan's story? the Bible says that he became what he is today because he was an angel who wanted to become more powerful than God. but he failed and thus was banished from Heaven and now, he wrecks havoc on the world. of course i believe what the Bible says, but because i like more romanticized stories, this one caught my attention.

"撒旦的翅膀原来是白色的吗, 为什么他最后变成了恶魔?"
while watching a movie, the girl asked out loud,: "Satan's wings were originally white, but why did he become the Devil in the end?"

"因为失去了心爱的人"
"because he lost the one he loved the most." the boy replied softly.

"那为什么失去心爱的人就要变成恶魔呢?"
"but why did he have to become the Devil when he lost the one he loved?" the girl asked again.

"也许为了复仇，也许为了夺回幸福，成魔，总是逼不得已的"
"maybe it's because he wanted to take revenge, to take back his happiness. becoming the Devil, was something that couldn't be helped" the boy answered.

and as they continued watching... ...

"啊——他好可怜..."
"Ah--he's so pitiful..." cried the girl

"他好可怜的啊，爱人一次次的遗忘他就够惨的了,还被神打入地狱"
"It's so sad," she said, "it's bad enough that his loved one keeps forgetting him and their memories, and he still gets thrown into hell"

"他是觉得她能快乐，能幸福就好 至少，她忘记的，他都记得 也许打入地狱并没有你想象的痛苦吧，起码他是心甘情愿的"
"but," the guy spoke gently," knowing that his loved one is living happily is more than enough for him. and at least he can remember what she has forgotten. being thrown into hell might not be as bad as you think it is for him. he did it willingly."

of course, contrary to how the story goes, i think that Satan deserves to be in hell. but when i read this story (it's in chinese, but i translated it into english), i couldn't help but be touched. if only the real Satan were like the one in the story, i think our world would be so much more peaceful.

sometimes i wonder... what will this world be like without Satan? will wars still be waged among countries? or will there be a happily ever after for the world where world peace keeps the world harmonious?

to celebrate the birthday of one of my colleges, i've just had two shots of tequila, one shot of whiskey and two bottles of beer. as usual, quelyn can't get drunk. i just become quite high and extremely red. but i realize that this has become somewhat of a routine to me. drinking at least one bottle of beer after knocking off everytime i work at the divan. i really wonder, what is it that i'm trying to forget. what is it that makes me hate the memory so much.