just passed my 100th post, this is the 101st. i can't believe it. i've actually stayed here for 100posts! because of my nature, i like floating around and changing my circumstances as much as i can, especially when at least 80% of my life is already tied down due to family commitments. i love change and challenge because it makes my life more interesting and it helps me grow as a person. but one thing that i have never been able to change is being emotional. i've learnt to hide it - very well, in fact. but that doesn't stop me from feeling what i feel inside me. EngHan told me that i should just be me because there's no one else like me. and that's what i'm striving to be.

being emotional while thinking of the past - that's acceptable right? i guess it should be. the last post is a tribute to someone i loved once upon a time. he came back from the USA for a holiday in singapore and we met up. should i say that it's a coincidence, or a common occurrence that all the boyfriends that i ever had are now studying overseas. doesn't matter. the thing is, he told me "quelyn, i just wish i had stayed on in singapore, i missed you so much ... ... and i regret letting you go."

at the moment that he said that, i had a choice to say two things - either 1. "i told you so" or 2. choose from my extremely limited list of expletives and hurl one at him for saying that to me only now. but in the end, i chose 3. to keep quiet and smile. takes me back to a time somewhere not long ago when i found out that it's usually when we lose something that it makes us realize how important someone or something is in our lives.

"i wish i had realized you sooner. then maybe you wouldn't have left."

that's what i want to tell him. it was only after he belonged to another that i realize what i missed. he was always there for me, watching my back and just being there. but now he's gone, and i haven't seen him for almost three months. when he was still with me, he told me once before that he wanted to be more than just friends, but at that point of time i didn't think much of it because i took it for granted that we would always be friends, so why increase the risk of heartache.

oh well. God will bring a better man along.

anyways, i watched Vantage Point about four or five days ago. it was an awesome film - in my opinion (korkor who sat on my right thought that it was awesome, but jemjem who sat on my left thought it wasn't. lols). it wasn't just the storyline that was great but i liked the film techniques that they used. but on another note, i think the same technique became overused by the third or fourth time. but the thrill of the chase saved the whole movie. going to catch 江山美人 with qiaodie on saturday evening. can't wait cause i haven't watched a chinese film in a long time. i wanted to catch Warlords, but never found the time to do so.

anyways, here's 白色风车 by Jay Chou. :)