i feel that i need serious help
i'm starting to get very unsettled again
there are a lot of emotions running through
i feel the start of the same rollercoaster ride
but this time, i'm wanting to jump off
jumping off to keep my sanity
and my dignitiy
and my emotions
intact.

so many things have happened recently
and it's not fair that they are happening
so close to my exams, another 30days.
but i'm so unsettled that i'm losing it
my prelims were a success and a disaster
i improved in my stronger subjects
but i failed my KI for the first time in ages
(ok, so i wasn't getting great grades before, but at least i was passing)

my teacher commented that i lack logical reasoning
and why do i have a nagging feeling that
i know what's the cause of all this?
it's his smile.
i see him once a week, if i'm lucky then twice
but i just can't get his smile out of my mind
so mesmerizing, so sexy, yet so humble
it's taking me off my feet and getting me in the clouds
but this is not the right way.
this is not what's suppose to be happening.

plus the fact that i don't have any physical person
to run towards anymore.
only God listens to me now
and His answers are sometimes so soft
compared to the noises of this world
and sometimes i feel that i cannot hear Him
i used to run to someone for a listening ear
but now, he's together with his other half
i have been somewhat forgotten
it's normal, but i realize that i've been relying on him too much

well. that doesn't matter anymore.
i just want my peaceful, settled life back
school's more than torture
home's as noisy as before
only in church, or in God's presence
can i find a sense of peace and quiet